A Winding Road
by pack-pixie
Summary: AH, AU. After a bitter divorce Bella moves to Forks to live with her father in search of rediscovering who she really is. Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

_** A Winding Road**_  
_**By pack*pixie**_

_**A/N: Welcome readers! This is my attempt at fanfiction, please keep in mind that I'm not an author, English major, or professional in any way. I am simply a fan of the Saga, and like you I've fallen in love with the characters. I'm interested in reading their stories in different lights and seeing them through a different perspective. I didn't ask anyone to beta, so there may be more mistakes than I realize, I apologize and promise to do better!**_

_**A Winding Road is all-human, alternate universe. The characters are in their mid-twenties not their teens, and you'll find them to be a bit different in their personalities, but not too much. Although the majority of this story is Bella/Jacob don't count Edward out just yet, or anybody else for that matter :)**_

_**Disclaimer: All characters, settings, etc are the property of the rightful owners. I am not their creator and have no rights. No copyright infringement intended.**_

Chapter 1 is just a brief glimpse into Bella's frame of mind and a bit of history to her life. The next chapters will be more lengthy.

_If I were to die today there is one certainty that I would leave this world knowing-life is consistently uncertain. It's the simplest of realizations that often elude us. Love happens when you least expect it, the smallest amount of faith can produce great miracles, and even the darkest rain cloud has a silver lining. Cliché's? Yes, but they are simple truths._

_The road through life is never steady. It often winds tumultuously through valleys and around steep mountains with distances left to the unknown because they are unforeseen. The curves are all too often so sharp that what lies ahead is a mystery that can only be dreamed of-even though it is just around the bend. It isn't until you stumble upon your destined path without warning that you realized that is precisely where you needed to go._

_So many things I had learned, and even more I had given up on in my short twenty-five years. I grew up fast-a little too fast. My mother, scatterbrained and careless required my attention, and the traditional mother-daughter roles reversed. My life was spent taking care of her, and I never minded. But when independence without responsibility found me at the University of Arizona, I regressed into an irresponsible teenager. My college life by all association was tame compared to others, but was far beyond my normal scope of behavior. By my junior year I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and bored with the whole institution of it. I decided that I needed to live and experience in a world that better suited me, so I joined a traveling humanitarian group and trotted across the globe for over a year making the world a better place. _

_Hearts of Aid was a fundamentalist group compromised of mostly young twenty some-things rebelling against college, their parents or a compromise of both. Longevity was scarce and usually one trip was all most would commit to, realizing their error in judgment. But I found a great source of satisfaction from the work we done amidst the false pretenses and the zest for experienced maturity. There was great satisfaction in knowing that your two hands helped produce a home or school for some child who never before had one. I had watched family after family on the brink of starvation carry home a box of food that would sustain their life another month. The lives of those we helped were tragedies, but through the pain and the tears, I gained a great appreciation for life. Hearts of Aid molded me into the person I was to be._

_ My journey wasn't only about self-discovery. I also met a fascinating man by the name of James. He was only three years older, and like me, his reasons for service were not founded upon selfishness. Our relationship was convoluted at times, and a hasty marriage ended only two years after it began. So after a divorce and many bitter tears I moved to Forks, Washington-the city without sun- to be with my father._

_It was clear that I hadn't figured out life, or its true purpose and I was determined to put myself back together. I had discovered the fundamentals-appreciating life, finding contentment in what you have, holding onto faith even when you had no reason to. There was still a great void in my soul._

_ It seemed that my life was lacking and the fact that I only had a father two weeks a year was just another piece of the puzzle I wanted so desperately to complete. Of course our relationship would be different-awkward even-than it would have had I embarked on this journey prior to turning twenty-three but I had no real regrets. I wasn't in a constant wave of enlightenment or experience like I was with Hearts of Aid. But I was slowly progressing toward happiness that was contingent only on my state of mind._

_My new life would put me on a path I never dreamed, and one that I wouldn't trade for any amount of wealth or fame._

_The whole time I thought I was evading fate, doing the unexpected, and all along fate was working to my benefit._**  
**


	2. Chapter 2

_** A Winding Road**_  
_**By pack*pixie**_

**_Disclaimer: I have no ownership, rights, or entitlement. No copyright infringement intended._**

Chapter 2:

"B, you spend too much with them. You can't be the child's mother. What do you even know about kids anyway?"

"Well nothing," I replied honestly in a voice that didn't belong to me. Part of me knew that Alice was right, even if I vehemently wanted to deny it. The facts were simple. I had absolutely no experience with children. I couldn't even rely on a sibling relationship to guide me. Even with my lack of experience and expertise I didn't care. I was afraid it was too late; my heart was already sealed and committed to those two. The last few months had been the best of my life.

"You gave up Hearts of Aid. You no longer have to change the world."

"I'm not helping them out of charity," I spat.

"You should be dating, not out mothering a child that isn't yours or laundry or taking care of a man that isn't yours either." Her words were vicious but her tone was as fluid as ever and I knew Alice meant no malice toward me. Her garnet red lips curved into a slight grin, and I saw concern in her expression. "You're wasting your time with him."

"Not everyone has a soul-mate," I scoffed. Alice was completely and perpetually the sickeningly example of finding the person that was made just for you. Jasper Whitlock was uniformly created to be her mate. I couldn't think of two other people more perfectly suited for each other. They're coupling defied all universal logic, descended the measures of time, and even gravity shifted when they were near each other. It was vomit inducing to say the least.

"Bella, you mean to tell me that you never want to fall in love? I don't believe it," she said with thick skepticism. "I find it hard to believe you're content to settle being somebody's wife and mother without actually being their wife or mother." Her lips turned sour as her argument ended. I took in a deep breath, and focused on the thick canvas of mountains that lined the road.

"I'm happy with the situation. Besides whom would I date from Forks?" I wasn't sure where I was going with my argument. I knew without a doubt that I wasn't in search of finding someone and I immediately regretted asking her the question when I turned to see her eyes lit with inspiration.

"What about Edward?" Here we go again with the please date my allusive brother speech. I ignored her toothy grin and rolled my eyes. Alice had tried to force me into a relationship with her brother since the day I met her. But I was scorned, and I had no desire to relive the nightmares of love, relationships and especially marriage. I hardly doubted that Edward would even be interested in me or excited by the fact that his sister was trying to find his eternal mate. Her efforts to bring us together were always in vain. I had only met Edward one time, and he seemed about as exciting as a trade show on ink pens. He was a divorce attorney in Seattle and consistently wrapped up in his miserable career. As much as I hated the idea of going out with him, I'm sure he wouldn't exactly be thrilled to date a mid-twenties college drop out that lived with her father and made minimum wage. It was a disastrous plan in any universe.

"I don't know who is worse…you or Rachel."

"Ok, then," she began ignoring my growing frustration. "Mike. He's not exactly my favorite person, but he likes you." She was relentless and I often wished she had a mute button.

"He's my boss, isn't that unethical? And he has a girlfriend," I argued knowing that it would be fruitless.

"Perhaps it is unethical," she agreed. "But his girlfriend is only on part-time status. Aren't you a supporter of free love and equality and all that?" She pulled the car around the lot and stopped by the curb at the front entrance.

"Thanks for the ride," I offered trying to ignore her sentiment toward my former way of life.

"Call if you need a ride home," she said twisting her bottom lip between her teeth. "Although….Mike may offer and if he does, B, for the love of cheese please accept. He may not be marriage material, but he at least he has make out potential. Don't you get lonely?"

"Thanks again," I said sharply between gritted teeth.

"See you later," she sang.

Alice was a great friend to taxi me to and from work on the days Charlie couldn't. I never had a use for a car with my nomad lifestyle, and when James and I settled to live in Phoenix, anywhere I needed to go was just a bus ride away. Forks wasn't as industrious. Public transportation was non-existent in the winding roads carved among the canopy of green. And most places were outside the scope of walking distance. Nevertheless, I had never considered buying a car.

Once inside I removed my rain jacket and shook out the recent drops from my hair. Rain was always present here and another reason that a walking commute wasn't ideal. I went to the back to clock in and grab my apron. The store seemed empty for a Saturday in June. Mike hollered at me from his office, and I casually greeted him. He was overly friendly but I never interrupted his behavior any other way than sociable. Alice seemed to think he had other motives.

Mike acquired Forks' only recreational store after his parents retired and moved to Florida. He was a nice enough guy, same age as me, but I held an aversion to him for reasons I didn't understand.

I enjoyed working in the store meeting different people. The vast forests and the unending hiking trails of the surrounding area were an attraction, and the tourists were incessant in the summer. It was a simple life, but it was the one I wanted at present. I had, on the insistence of my father, picked up some nightly classes the last two semesters at the community college, but with no real goal in mind I wasn't any closer to a degree. I was just happy to exist in a world where I could keep James far from my memory and the pain he caused me buried within my soul. I had no reminders of him or his infidelities in Forks. It was that fact that made each morning worth waking up for.

Mike seemed preoccupied today and I was grateful not to have to engage in meaningless banter. Alice was certain it was flirting, and if she was right I wanted no part of it. But I thought he was just bored or lonely.

He had an unstable, albeit consistent relationship with Jessica Stanley. I'm not sure how long she had been ridiculously crazy over him, but I was certain her over exuberant infatuation with him was not returned. He seemed to be with her more out of convenience since she required little to no effort on his part. Typical commitment phobia. I would have felt sorry for her but her personality was void of any redeeming qualities. Perhaps they were a better match than appearances would lead one to believe.

"Hey, Mike, I'm gonna take a break if that's okay. I need to make a call," I asked about half-way through my shift.

"Sure," he called out from behind the hiking boot display where he was demonstrating the latest creation to a scantily clad blonde that looked as if she hadn't worn a pair of boots without a four inch heel her entire life. Was he the best that Alice could come up with?

I left a message for her to pick me up after my shift. I glimpsed back to see that Mike was still engaged and dialed the other number.

As the line rang, I recalled Alice's words.

"You're falling for him, and he's not available," she'd warned me over dinner on Wednesday night.

"I'm not falling for him. And he is available, should I want to fall for him….which I don't. Can't I be a good friend without any motive?" I never looked up from my chicken parmesan, too afraid that I would have to accept reality if I looked into her eyes. I so badly wanted to believe the lie I had just told her, but I knew I was falling in love with him. And just as certain as I was about that fact, I knew he did not reciprocate my feelings.

"Technically you're right. He's not in a relationship, but emotionally he's unavailable. B, I'm not trying to be a pessimist, but he doesn't give you a second look. You're nothing more than a babysitter and you're getting too invested." Her words cut me like a knife, but Alice relied only on the first days after I met him. I knew things were changing.

I was brought from my revelry by the sound of Jacob and Cooper's voice on the answering machine. "We didn't answer, but we will call you back," they said in unison on the recording.

I hung up the phone without leaving a message feeling dejected. It had been two days since I'd last spoken to them, and I was beginning to feel purposefully lost.

By the end of my shift I was uneasy. It was unlike him not to call or at least come by the store. Was she right? Was he avoiding me?

"Busy day," I said lightly entering Mike's office. He was occupied counting the days till, and I hung my apron on the hook, and clocked out.

"I can give you a ride home," Mike offered just as I started out the door. I was almost speechless. I had to think quickly. Maybe my intuitive friend was right. "Alice and I have plans. Sorry," I lied.

When Alice picked me up it was clear our earlier conversation was far from over. She was determined to see that I walk down an aisle with somebody.

"If you start discussing my love life I will have no choice but to jab your eyes out," I threatened.

She snickered. "Fine. I concede."

"That was way too easy."

"What? I'm giving you what you want?"

"That's exactly my point."

"Edward seems to be involved with someone. Looks like you missed that boat."

"I'm heartbroken," I snickered.

"Yes, now you are left to pine away after Jacob Black and a love that will never be."


	3. Chapter 3

_** A Winding Road**_  
_**By pack*pixie**_

**_Disclaimer: Thank you to Steph Meyer and Little Brown Publishing for having this vision, and giving us this world and these characters. I don't own them._**

**_Chapter 3 and 4 is going to give us a little more background into this complicated relationship that Bella is in and Alice is so adamant she forget about. Hopefully you'll understand why Bella is so infatuated._**

Chapter 3:

Rachel Black was the daughter of my father's fishing partner and best friend, Billy. The Black family was native Quileute and lived on the reservation in La Push. Rachel was a couple of years older than me, but I had grown up with her and her twin sister, Rebecca, to some extent- if you considered the two weeks a year during the summers I spent with my father. Although most of the memories had faded, I still had some vague recollections of playing with them while Charlie and Billy watched a ball game or went fishing. After moving to Washington, Rachel became one of my only friends by association. I got reacquainted with her during basketball season and the endless nights of March madness. Billy had been wheelchair confined for several years, and Rachel became his caregiver after dropping out of college. She and I held no interest for the sport and spent our time catching up in the kitchen.

My stay in Forks had been significantly better because of the friends I had made. Between Alice and Rachel I didn't have much alone time, and therefore my mind never settled long enough to agonize over my past.

Jacob Black was her younger brother by five years, and recently moved back to the reservation to live in Billy's house after his health required him to live in a convalescent home.

Jacob had lived in Port Angeles for the last two years, working various jobs at garages and eventually buying his own at just the age of twenty-two. Doing everything within his power to keep his business thriving, he was left with a lot of hard decisions and sacrifices. In addition to that he was a single father, raising a three and a half year old son by the name of Cooper. I had learned from Rachel that Cooper's mom had given birth to him, but left the hospital before the baby was discharged. She never returned and Jacob had no choice but to become mother and father. I admired him for the man he was, I couldn't imagine the sacrifices he had made to give this child a stable life.

My father had given Rachel a job at the police station working the evening shift Friday through Tuesday. When Cooper's regular caregiver, Sue Clearwater, suffered a broken leg from a car accident, Jacob was unable to afford daycare and left in a bind. Rachel took on that role and three days a week, from four o'clock to six o'clock, I did too.

When Rachel asked me to help her out with Jacob's son I was a bit leery. I knew nothing about children, but I owed her. She had chauffeured me around as much as Charlie and Alice. I figured it was my duty to help her out.

Rachel would pick me up, I'd stay with Cooper until his father got home at six, and Charlie would come get me. The arrangement worked out, even though Jacob was hesitant to accept my help. I couldn't blame him. He was overprotective, and his son was his first priority.

I wasn't sure what to expect at first, and my friend hadn't actually prepared me. Giving me no real instructions, I was left with instinct and it was mostly questionable. Cooper and I instantly bonded and I was relieved to find how natural our relationship seemed to be. He was such an intelligent child and eager. It didn't take me long to fall in love with him.

Jacob wasn't as welcoming, and I could sense hostility from him for reasons I didn't fully understand. I assumed he had an aversion to women in general given his past. The first two weeks were tense to say the least. We barely spoke to each other past the normal pleasantries. He did seem genuinely grateful for my help and I wanted so badly to be able to break the indestructible shell that covered him.

The first day I actually met Jacob and Cooper, was a dreary Monday in April. Charlie offered to drive me up to La Push. I felt a bit queasy in the car ride and hardly spoke. I was starting a new chapter even if I didn't realize it in that moment. Consciously, I wasn't aware that the path I was about to embark upon was one of new terrain. The road, both literally and figuratively, was familiar but the destination was still a bit indefinite. My subconscious was a bit more attuned to what the future had in store.

"I'm nervous," I blurted out to my father, who coincidentally, seemed satisfied to drive without conversation. That was Charlie's nature. He had a good heart but few words.

"It's just a couple of hours," he reminded me.

"I know but what if he doesn't like me? Or something happens and I don't know what to do?" My stomach was churning and I wanted to escape.

"If you manage to catch the place on fire just dial 911," he said smirking at his own humor. I rolled my eyes and contemplated the pros and cons of jumping out.

I heard the cruiser's tires crunch across the gravel driveway and I realized that I couldn't run away, we were here.

"Good luck, Bell."

"Thanks," I mumbled opening the car door.

Billy's house looked different then the last time I saw it. As with most anything material, the years had not been good to the little six room abode. Most of the houses on the reservation were about the same, understated, small wooden one level homes with narrow windows, and tiny front stoops. I could tell Jacob had done some work to the house since my last visit more than a year ago. Rachel had moved out into a rental once her father was placed in the home, unable to live in his house without him there. A fresh coat of barn-red paint and a new roof at least.

Rachel opened the door just as I stepped upon the porch. A log bench sat just beside the door and a bicycle and baseball bat occupied the adjoining space.

Rachel's wide grin was cheerful. Peering from behind her legs was two dark eyes, a bit unsure of the situation, probably the smaller version of my own expression.

She bent down to look him in the eyes and he instantly relaxed.

"This is my friend Bella. She's going to stay with you until your dad gets home. She doesn't know much about baseball, better go easy on her."

Cooper was a little hesitant to come next to me. He looked exactly the way little boys were supposed to. Beneath his baseball cap was unkempt locks of jet black hair, his dark eyes were bright and on his face was a mixture of Cheetos and dirt covering the smooth red-brown skin. He was lanky, and his tiny legs were covered in dots of bruises that I imagined were created by the bicycle on the porch. He eyed me for a moment and took a step back.

"I like your shirt," I said with an overly big smile.

"You like monsters?" He asked incredulously moving a fragment of an inch closer. This intrigued him, and I smiled tentatively.

"Within reason," I explained intelligently as if the subject matter was something of high importance. He soaked it in for a moment.

"You are a good gurl then." That seemed to be the dealmaker, he was completely confident in me and our friendship began.

"So what do you do for fun?" I asked him once Rachel had left for work.

"I'm an astronaut," he replied effortlessly.

I grinned. "Sounds interesting."

"The moon is made of cheese," he said informatively with an edge of astuteness in his tone.

"Who said?" I asked.

"It's a fact.," he argued with wide eyes full of inspiration.

"Oh."

We played and laughed and did ridiculous stuff until Jacob arrived home at precisely six. The second he walked through the door, Cooper and I were in the kitchen floor pretending to be dinosaurs.

"Daaaadddddyyyyy," Cooper sang.

"Hey dude."

"Belba is a fun gurl," he pointed at me, still in the floor coincidentally.

"Hi," I greeted standing to my feet. I could feel a familiar blush come over my cheeks.

Jacob eyed me for a moment and I began to feel extremely uncomfortable. It was clear that this arrangement was not in his favor, but he was left with no other alternative.

"Nice to meet you," he finally said unconvincingly. I couldn't determine if he was just naturally aloof, or if he really had an aversion to me. I felt intimidated and refused to meet his eyes.

"I think technically we may have met before," I said hoping that our past would lighten his mood.

"Maybe. I don't recall," he said impassively.

"Me either, honestly."

He eyed me for a moment, offered a slight grin, and excused himself, mumbling something about ordering some parts for a Mustang.

"Belba, are you leaving?" Cooper asked when I put on my jacket. Jacob was sitting at the kitchen table in front of his laptop.

"Yeah, my dad will be here to pick me up. I will be back tomorrow."

"Promise?" He asked with a pout.

"Yes. I promise." From the corner of my eye I could see Jacob grimace. Chills ran across my spine and I swallowed thickly, smiling at the child before he could sense something was wrong.

When Charlie arrived just a few seconds later, Cooper was ecstatic to see the police cruiser. Of course this inflated my father and my stay was extended. Coop touched all the buttons, lights and sirens while my father and Jacob caught up on old times. Their reunion lasted longer than I would have wished for. But at least Jacob was personable around my dad. I guessed it was just me he didn't like. He remained distant from me, and only spoke out of necessity.

The next day was much of the same. Instead of dinosaurs we were pirates, and I lost all of my treasure to an evil Octopus-man named Mercedes. It would seem Jake's love for cars had been passed along to his offspring. Just as the little game was intensifying Jacob arrived home and his mood toward me wasn't any warmer. He hardly spoke and refused to look me in the eye. I sensed he wasn't shy or bashful, more like a prisoner suffering secretly, hoisting the weight of the world on his shoulders. He seemed fragile to me, even though his muscular body would tower over mine by a foot and at least a hundred pounds.

I quickly picked up all the toys and carried them to Coop's room. When I left Charlie was in a hurry, thankfully. I waved goodbye to Cooper as he sat on the log bench. I spent the evening mostly thinking of Cooper and how his sweet smile made me feel something incredibly soothing. Children had a way of making the world seem right. I was a bit regretful though, realizing I would may never have the full experience.

"So how's babysitting going?" Alice asked me on Thursday evening. She had invited me along for an impulsive shopping trip for new shoes.

"The kids great. The dad hates me," I informed her.

"Why?" she asked walking past me in a pair of pink heels.

"I'm not sure."

"Maybe you're over reading."

"It's pretty clear. I think he hates women in general.." I sat down on the bench between the two aisles occupying my friend.

"B, seriously."

"Well maybe hate is a strong word. But something is off."

"Give it time." She pulled out three more boxes and walked toward the long mirrors in the back. I followed behind her, completely uninterested in the wall of shoes. "He'll warm up."

"Yeah," I sighed.

"I spoke to Edward yesterday," she mused.

"No."

"Why?" It was the first time since we entered the massive shoe store that her attention was focused solely on me.

"I'm not ready," I pleaded with her to understand.

"Fine. But you know some lady is gonna snatch him up. Don't say I didn't warn you. Bella, I think you two are perfect for each other. I wouldn't be so insistent if I wasn't sure."

"I'll take my chances," I scoffed.

_**Author's Note:**_

_**I know the first chapters aren't necessarily "wow" but I would love some feedback on this story. Suggestions are welcome.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.

A/N: Thank you for reading.

Chapter 4:

The first month went by fairly smoothly, and I found myself completely in love with little Cooper. He had captured my heart in only the way a sweet child could. For the first time since my divorce, I felt a sense of elation and joy to be doing something of value. I had a true purpose. Our afternoons were always full of laughter and surprises and it was impossible to be anything less than happy.

Unfortunately, there was no further development with his father. Jacob was still just as reticent as ever and I tried to avoid him as much as possible.

Part of me held pity for him because he seemed exhausted and desolate, and some pull at my heart strings compelled me to help him. It was my nature to care for people, to take on the responsibility of others. As a child I had my mother to care for, then my work with Hearts of Aid, and now I realized that element of my life was missing. I decided that if I was going to be a part of this environment I needed to at least make it friendly. I wanted him to like me, but more importantly I wanted him to trust me. It was obvious, given the circumstances surrounding Cooper's mother that Jacob would have issues trusting women. I wasn't going to do anything to hurt his son, and I needed him to see that. I had no other motives than to help him. By the end of that first month I'd decided that I needed to make a friendly gesture to prove myself and make some progress in our relationship.

That Monday I brought over the ingredients for dinner. Sue had done most of the cooking before her accident, and I knew Rachel wasn't proficient in the kitchen. Coop had mentioned the grilled cheese sandwiches that he had almost nightly for dinner, so I was thrilled with my plan. I decided on spaghetti since it was easy and most kids seemed to like it.

"Belba, whataya making?" Cooper asked.

"Spaghetti," I replied wiping a dot of sauce on his nose.

"That smells good."

"Just wait until you've tasted it," I said with a wink.

"I like you Bel-ba."

"I like you too, Coop."

I didn't want to make a big show of the dinner so Coop and I ate before Jake got home and I left his plate in the microwave and the leftovers in a container in the fridge. Charlie pulled in behind Jake, and we only spoke in passing. I was happy with the way things fell into place. No awkward explanations and no opportunity for Jake to throw the plate at me.

The next day I noticed the plate clean and dry in the rack, and the leftover container was gone. I quickly washed up the dishes in the sink, and made a chicken casserole. While the oven did the dirty work, I decided I'd try to straighten up the rest of the house. The house wasn't especially unkempt, but could definitely use a woman's eye for detail. Cooper wasn't too thrilled with my time being occupied by chores, but soon enough he was pitching in and making a game of it. We finished up with the bathroom just as the oven dinged. I placed the meal on the table along with two place settings. Coop was washing his hands when Jacob came in.

"Hi," I said unusually cheerfully without looking up from the kitchen sink. I could sense the deep scowl on his face and I certainly didn't want to witness it.

"It's not necessary for you to cook," he said with an edge of resentment. I turned to face him in complete disbelief. My expression must have been full of disappointment or hurt or both. He quickly recovered his stance. "You just being here to keep an eye on my little guy is enough," he said a bit softer. I could still sense the lack of appreciation and I felt tears forming behind my eye lids and turned back to the sink to bat them away. I was being ridiculous, but for some reason it seemed that I needed acceptance from Jacob Black and his abhorrent reaction to me had hurt my feelings.

"I don't mind at all. I like to cook," I said defensively after I composed my emotions.

"Belba makes yum food," Cooper said, sitting at the table. At least I had the admiration of one of them.

"Thank you," Jacob said, sitting down at the table across from his son.

"You're welcome. Do you two need anything else before I go?" Jacob picked up a parts catalog from the table and began leafing through it. "No, thanks," he mumbled.

"Do you have to leave?" Cooper whined.

I squatted in front of him, steadying myself with the table. "I'll be back on Friday and I'll have a surprise for you."

His eyes grew bright with excitement. "What is it?"

"You'll just have to wait."

"I can't."

"Yes you can. Big boys can do anything."

"Okay," he conceded unwillingly.

"Bye, now." I patted his head and moved his chair closer to the table.

"Bye."

On Friday, I decided to ease up on the domestic favors, and opted to play with Cooper outside instead. I fixed a quick dinner of grilled chicken and mac and cheese. Cooper appreciated my cooking even if his father didn't.

Jacob seemed upset when he arrived home and I assumed he'd had a bad day. He looked like he needed a friend or at least an ear to listen, but I was certain by the hostility in his glare I was not that person. I felt very uneasy around him, and decided to wait for Charlie on the front stoop of the uncovered porch. The rain was really coming down and I moved into the cover of the over-hang just inside the doorway. Although it was spring, the air was chilly, and I wished I had my rain jacket. I waited for what seemed like an eternity wondering where Charlie was. I checked my watch, and realized he was fifteen minutes late. Just as panic started to flood over me, the front door opened, and I nearly toppled off the stoop. Jacob grabbed my arm to steady me, and with an annoyed look said, "I thought you had gone. You don't have to stand in the rain; you can wait inside."

"I'm sorry. I don't know why he's late," I explained feeling like a child in the principal's office.

I followed him, allowing the screen door to slam behind me. I stood just past the threshold watching the driveway for any sign of my father. About ten minutes had gone by when I was debating to go look for Charlie on foot. I was just certain that his cruiser had broken down or he'd been carjacked by terrorists. I had planned the route I'd need to take and was mentally preparing myself for the worst when the phone rang. I tried not to eavesdrop, but I could hear Jacob saying "No problem, Chief Swan."

I turned to meet him with frightened eyes. It didn't matter if he hated me; I was worried about my father.

"Bella," he spoke my name softly. It was the first time I had heard him say my name and I was surprised by how beautiful it sounded. "That was Charlie. He got called out and won't be able to pick you up."

"Oh," I said without any sound, relieved that my father was not hurt, but fully aware of the dilemma that I was now in. "I guess I could call Alice," I thought aloud.

"May I use the phone," I asked.

"Yes, of course," he replied reaching me the handset.

I dialed Alice's number twice and both times straight to voice mail. I wanted to cry. My stomach was in knots and I had no idea what to do.

"I can take you home," he offered. Cooper came running from the hallway with a towel wrapped around him like a cape and wearing only his underwear. His hair was wet, and his feet were leaving a trail of tiny puddles. "You should dry off with the towel first," Jacob said. When Coop trotted back off, he turned his attention back at me. His face went from caring to rigid, and I swallowed thickly.

"I don't want to inconvenience you," I said without meeting his stare. His eyes were like menacing stones and it was uncomfortable for me to look at him.

"I'm not sure you have any other options." The tenor of his voice became smooth, I looked up and something unrecognizable flashed in his eyes-sensitivity. It was easy to see that the hard shell was just a façade and that a wonderful caring person was just beneath it.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

"I don't mind. I just have to drop Cooper off at a birthday party."

"Yep. Brynn's birthday. She's a gurl."

I laughed at the over animated disgust on Cooper's features. "She likes pink and bunnies," he explained further.

"She's my friend Quil's daughter," Jacob explained, "We're all like family."

"I bet you'll have fun."

"Gurls are yucky!"

"I'm a girl," I reminded him.

He eyed me for a brief moment, and took off into the other room.

"Oh. Um, do you mind if I take a shower first?" Jacob asked. His clothes like always were covered in grease.

"No, not at all. I'll get the girl-hater dressed."

"Whatcha gonna wear to the party hotshot?"

"Monster shirt," he answered eagerly jumping on his bed. I grabbed him and put him in the floor. "I should have guessed. It's your favorite."

I helped Cooper pick up the toys from the floor and straighten his stuffed animals on the bed. I picked out a clean pair of jeans, but couldn't find his shirt anywhere. I had put a load of clothes in the dryer earlier, and realized it must have been in there.

I placed the load of clothes from the dryer in the basket and I pulled the red shirt out. My eyes were focused on the shirt while I shook out the wrinkles. I never saw him coming and when I turned the corner at the door, Jacob was coming into the laundry room. One hard bump and I bounced off of his chest that I realized, when my vision came back in focus, was noticeably bare. I was nearly breathless, somewhat from the collision, but mostly because of how Jacob looked. For the first time he wasn't covered in grease, and his face didn't seem angry. His dark hair was still damp from the shower and a bit tousled but it looked like silk, my fingers burned to touch it. My eyes, bright with heavy curiosity, moved from his face to notice smooth and skin stretched perfectly over well defined muscles in his shoulders, chest, and stomach. Before I could look past the low slung waistband of his jeans he cleared his throat. I had been too busy trying to earn his trust and avoid his loathing to really notice his physical attributes. But as he was displayed before me, I realized how long it had been since I actually was able to admire a man. Feelings surfaced that hadn't surfaced in a long time, and I felt my cheeks grow hot. I had to shake my thoughts.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I needed a shirt. I didn't know you were in here." I got lost after the second my name came between his lips. The way it sounded made me feel confused and shaken.

"Not you too," I said holding up the red t-shirt.

Jacob grinned, revealing a smile that seemed lonely. I let my eyes rest on the features of his face. For a second I thought that if you took away the bitterness and anger he'd look exactly like an angel.

We exchanged a silent stare for several seconds. I couldn't speak, the dry lumps in my throat were preventing the words from coming out.

He reached past me, grabbing his white t shirt from the stack on the counter. I took in a deep breath.

"I'll be ready to leave in about five minutes."

"Oh, okay." My mind was blank. I closed my eyes and his voice rang out in my ears. "_Bella."_

I sighed out loud and realized I still had the shirt in my hand and needed to take it to Cooper.

Despite the uncomfortable situation in the laundry room, the rest of the evening seemed to be more relaxed than I was used to. Jacob still wasn't heavy on the conversation but at least he wasn't frowning.

I waited in the car while he walked Coop in to the party. Pink and white balloons decorated the posts on the front porch and white twinkle lights surrounded the door way. I could imagine Coop gagging at the sight of all that girly-ness.

"I'm really sorry that you're going to miss the party," I said to Jake once he arrived back to the car.

"You mean two and three year olds screaming and crying, and hitting each other with a piñata stick? You might just have actually saved my life."

"Then you're welcome," I said with a giggle relieved to see a different side of him.

"You know Bella," my name rolled from his lips like honey and my body shivered in response.

"I could never repay you for helping us out. I also owe you an apology."

I searched his face and found no trace of the rough edge of the last couple of weeks. All of it erased by genuine sincerity and trust.

"I haven't actually rolled out the welcome wagon. I must seem like a self-centered pig."

"Its fine."

"I'm sorry for not being more gracious. You've been more than kind to us."

"It's really no big deal. I enjoy it. Cooper is an incredible kid."

"Yeah, he is. He certainly makes my life interesting. I'm not used to having to ask for help from anybody. Since he was born I've done as much as I could by myself. This is all very foreign to me."

"That's very noble."

"It's my responsibility."

I stared ahead trying to think of something intelligible to say, but nothing formed in my mind. The trees passed by in pallets of green and brown and La Push faded. Jacob seemed intent on driving and I refused to disturb him.

"You're a really good cook," he said after a few quiet minutes.

"I had to learn growing up. My mother never really domesticated."

Jacob laughed. With Cooper out of sight, he seemed less guarded, and I couldn't help but to wonder.

"I bet Cooper will say the same thing about me. I suppose grilled cheese sandwiches get pretty old."

"For what it's worth you're doing an excellent job with Coop. He is very lucky to have you."

A smile etched with sincerity and a slight trace of pain crossed his face. "No, I'm the lucky one. Being a father is the greatest gift ever. I bet Charlie would have to agree."

"I don't know about that. Charlie kind of got that privilege taken away from him."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned that."

"It's ok."

"He was real excited when you decided to move here. Talked about it for days."

"Really?" I asked with thick curiosity. Charlie was never one to become overly excited over anything.

"I went fishing a couple of times with him and dad before you moved and it was all he could talk about. Even the fish were tired of hearing about you."

"Thick as thieves those two."

"They certainly _were_," he reminisced and it occurred to me that Billy was not going to get better. That the friendship he and Charlie once had was in the past. I assumed that Jacob's thoughts turned in that direction and he remained quiet.

"Do you want to come in or something?" I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask, but it seemed only polite. I certainly wanted to get to know Jacob better without all the barriers.

"Maybe next time. If I hurry I still might get a goody bag."

"Yeah, wouldn't want you to miss out on that."

"See you on Monday," he called behind me.

I could hardly sleep that night, my mind to hyper and excited over the changing events of the evening. Even more than that was the feelings that came when I saw Jacob or heard him say my name.

Saturday morning I awoke to a bright ray of sun, and it almost seemed unfamiliar. It had rained for the last two weeks without any break. My shift at Newton's went by pretty fast and at lunch time Rachel came by.

"So your old man gave me the night off, and I was wondering if you wanted to come to the rez for a bonfire."

"Bonfire?"

"Yes, Bella. You gather wood, set it on fire."

"I don't really think I should. I always feel like an outsider. I won't know anyone there."

"You'll know me and Paul, and of course Jacob and Cooper," she urged.

The idea seemed more interesting after I heard Jacob's name and surprisingly my stomach filled with nervous knots. After all this time of being alone was I really going down this road?

"I'll pick you up at six," she said leaving me no room to debate and filling me with nervous excitement.

A/N: Thank you for reading, would love you to review and let me know how it's going and what you think might happen.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: I can only fantasize about this world, I certainly didn't create it but I'm glad Stephenie Meyer did. Her **__**world**__** makes my **__**world**__** better! **________** No copyright infringement intended.**_

_**A/N: I suppose you thought I had abandoned this story. Not so. I've been caught up in the holidays and although I haven't actually posted I have been writing. Here is the next chapter and I hope you enjoy. Please review or PM so I know that there are people interested. Sometimes it seems like a wasted effort to write something that's never going to be read, but then I try to remind myself I'm writing this for me as much as you. I really do love the way this story is going and hope you do too! Anyway, Enjoy!**_

Chapter 5: The Bonfire

Luckily, Mike let me leave at five and I had enough time to go home and shower before Rachel picked me up. An internal warfare was creeping and my courage to go seemed to be diminishing. I had shied away from large social gatherings my entire life; naturally this night wouldn't be much different. Like sweet sixteen's or senior proms, this was just another event-although on a much smaller scale- that I'd prefer to not attend. More than my inexplicable social timidity, I wasn't too keen on the idea because I hardly knew any of Rachel's friends from the res. They remained aloof by choice and I certainly did not want to intrude into their lifestyle. Conclusively, I had good sound reasons to not go. But there was a chance that I'd see Jake, and that reason trumped all others.

Anytime I'd come up with an excuse worthy of retracting my commitment, my memory would replay our conversation in the car and my resolve faded. Now that the guard was down, I was completely interested in getting to know the real Jacob Black. It was incomprehensible that I would be caught up in him, but there was an unexplainable connection. My heart was leading the way and all traces of logic and rationale were gone. An undeniable force was at work and no matter how hard I fought the magnetism was irresistible. But some grander purpose appeared to be hidden behind the infatuation and hidden beyond that was knowledge that tonight was going to be pivotal. And if Jacob wasn't there, my hope-my hidden hope-would be in vain.

I was near a basket case by the time Rachel and I were in the car. I had been through the possibilities a million times. The best case scenario being that I'd get a few quiet moments alone with Jacob. Of course my entire world would be shattered should he not be there at all.

My mind seemed to be on repeat as Rachel chatted incessantly about Paul and the house they wanted to buy, wedding plans, and honeymoon destinations. I hardly participated in her conversation, but she seemed all too happy to talk without my involvement. I'd occasionally nod, or "um" but unwillingly my mind kept thinking of Jacob.

_Would he be there when we arrived? Would he even want me there? What if something happened and he didn't make it? Would I be able to talk to him?_ _Would he be the version from yesterday that I enjoyed talking to or would he be the withdrawn version from the beginning?_ I had already invested so much into one night, could I possibly go on no matter the outcome?

"Bella, are you ok?" I hadn't realized that the car stopped moving and we were in the lot at First Beach.

"Uh…yeah. Why?"

"No reason, other than you look like you're in a different world."

"Sorry," I muttered getting out of the car. I had to gain control of my thoughts; I was losing it.

Small groups of people were scattered among the beach. Two men carried driftwood to start the fire. This was a common event for the folks at La Push. Entertainment in small town Washington was almost mythical and people had to make do, but this was their traditions. The stories told on this beach were legendary. My heartbeat sped up as I realized that I seemed like a trespasser among the native Quileute tribe.

"Bella, come on."

Rachel had walked about twenty feet from me. Had I stopped walking? I was losing focus quickly. I took in a large gulp of sea air and cleared my mind. After a quick stride across the beach I was back beside my friend. "Relax, B," she said reassuringly. I nodded quickly.

Before Rachel and I even made it to gathering, tall orange flames shot overhead, and the glow of the embers lit the almost purple sky. There was a group of small children playing on some rocks just down from the fire. I searched them cautiously but Cooper was not among them. My heart sank losing hope that Jacob was here. What was wrong with me? I was twenty five years old, too old to have a crush. I was stupid to think my destiny could be determined by one stupid night. Was I losing all sense? I knew that it was wrong to think of him in that way and yet I could think of nothing else.

I followed behind Rachel, carefully maneuvering over the uneven terrain of the dimly lit beach.

As we moved closer to the place I was sure we were headed, I actually did begin to relax. The atmosphere was peaceful, serene even. The group that would belong to my friend was a small one, and I was hopeful that Jacob would be a part of that group. Eventually we made it over the last rocks with an inflated sense of hope. I scanned the area meticulously, no sign of Jacob. The purple sky was darkening with each passing second taking my hope with it.

"Hey," Rachel announced once we arrived at the group huddled around the fire.

"This is my friend Bella."

A choir of hellos rang out from the group and I nodded to them. Some of them I recognized and some were completely new faces. I tried to offer the friendliest smile I had.

"Bella, this is Claire and Quil, Jared, Kim, Sam, Emily, Seth and Embry." The introductions were quick, painless. I took my seat next to Paul and Rachel on the log facing opposite the water. Minutes trickled by as the group caught up with each other. It was easy to tell that they were close.

"Embry is single," Rachel whispered into my ear once the energy of the group conversation began to slow.

I shook my head. _Why can't I just be alone and happy?_ I could pine away-as Alice put it- after a man that was completely off limits for the rest of my life.

"Is this why I got invited?" I asked bitterly lowering my stare to the ground.

"No, of course not. I didn't know he'd be here. He no longer lives on the rez. But he's cute right? Could be fate!" She seemed sincere and my anger subsided.

"I really don't know," I replied discreetly.

"Don't you think it's time?" I knew her question ran deeper than just my dating. She was implying I needed to move on. I couldn't explain the stir of feelings of the last couple of days to her. I didn't understand them myself. And then I had a thought, what if Rachel would oppose me being with Jacob that way? I hadn't looked at it from that angle. But could my friendship be in jeopardy, if I caved into my feelings and he reciprocated them. I shook the train of blooming thoughts, I certainly was thinking too far ahead. I had just gotten to the point where Jacob seemed to tolerate me, having any relationship of that magnitude was impossible.

"He looks too young," I finally replied hoping she'd lose interest in the subject.

"Same age as Jake."

"Please drop it." Rachel was less enthusiastic than Alice and I was grateful I didn't have to spend the entire evening convincing her that I had no interest in dating. Eventually she was drawn into Paul's roaming hands and careless lips and I was just a mere vapor, thankfully.

Once the inquisition ceased I began to relax. I sat contently listening to the melody of the ocean and the fire. A serene calm blew with the light breeze and I remained focused on the earth and the purity of the moment. The smell of the brine and the spruce trees was very evident even over the smoke and the fire. It was calming.

The others around me laughed and shared stories, and I usually laughed with them without offering anything more. I didn't have to. I watched the flames of the fire, completely mesmerized by the way the wind would toss and disrupt their motion, but they were faultless, moving with the wind as if it they danced privately. My thoughts would take me away, but always transitioned to Jacob.

"Nice of you to finally join us," Seth barked out in a boisterous tone relieving me of my thoughts.

"Yeah, man. Where you been?" another voice asked.

I hardly registered that the conversation had changed and a new member had joined the party. I raised my head and beside me stood Jacob. I had to crane my neck to see him fully. He glanced down at me, offering a half grin.

"I had something to do," he offered intent on keeping the subject closed.

"Oh," Seth teased with innuendo obviously not letting Jake get off without a further explanation. I couldn't help but anticipate his response. It was clear what Seth was insinuating, and for the first time since I had gone swirly crazy, I thought that perhaps Jake was involved with someone already. Why wouldn't he be? Not everyone let disastrous relationships keep them from happiness. Just because I had willingly decided to be alone, didn't mean that Jacob had. My focus started fading, and the purple-black sky seemed further away. My brain was in a confusing veil, my good sense clouded by some irrational girlish hope. I felt painfully dejected with just the hint that Jacob was involved with someone. My compulsory thoughts of Jacob Black belonged to a sixteen year old girl, not a grown woman. And although I knew that fact like my own name, I couldn't shake the feelings inside me, the curiosity, the intensity.

"Not that," he shot daggers at him and Seth held up his hands innocently. I was relieved momentarily, no longer being absorbed by the clouds of confusion. His response didn't exactly answer my questions but I still had some shred of hope. I was able to fend off the thoughts and what ifs temporarily. In fact, since divorcing James, I had become good at burying unpleasant memories or thoughts. Initially, I rebuked myself every time I allowed my mind to cross that line and after a few months I no longer thought of it. I knew somewhere the thoughts were still there, buried and waiting for their moment to surface and completely destroy me. I wondered when that time would come. With the feelings in me changing so radically could it be soon that I would face my past?

Instinctively, I slowly made my way back to the present forcing all unpleasant questions from my mind.

Jacob stepped closer and was just an inch from my side. My fears were quickly replaced by excitement. My throat felt like it would close, and my stomach churned like a late summer hurricane. The orange light bounced off his skin, and I stared a little too long almost forgetting how to breathe.

"Hi, Bella." His lips curved over his bright white teeth and my mouth immediately mirrored the formation.

"Hi. Where's Cooper?" I asked coolly. Perhaps, a little too coolly because it sounded all mixed up.

"He stayed with Sue and Leah."

I nodded, too afraid to speak. He crossed the gap and sat on the log to the right of me with Seth, Embry and Quil. I looked beside of me to see that I was sitting by myself not realizing that Paul and Rachel had even taken off.

Jacob, Seth, Embry and Jared all seemed to be involved in heavy conversation, and I felt like an outsider not really understanding the mechanical terms they were using. I decided to leave the group in search of someplace quieter. I walked from the fire, careful not to disturb the conversation, and followed the rocks and sand to a large precipice extending out into the water by a few yards. The water looked black for miles and the stars danced above like pieces of glitter on velvet. I walked out to the edge of the rocks and sat with my feet in the surf. The foam barely moved as the waves whiskered in. The night was a stilling calm and I wanted nothing more than to settle the rush in my mind and for my foolish hopes to vanish. But when I closed my eyes, I imagined his deep black orbs, and soft lips. I could hear him say my name and I would almost melt at the memory. It was simple; I was falling for Jacob Black and I needed to distract myself quick. Perhaps it was infatuation and it would soon pass. Maybe in a few weeks I'd laugh that I'd ever had such an attraction. Logically, Jacob was the first real eye-catching man that I had encountered since my move here and enough time had passed since my divorce to allow some healing. But was it just time that had allowed me to feel this way or was it Jacob? I found myself engaged when he spoke, and longing to right the wrongs that had been done to him. Cooper already had a claim on my heart, by association that meant Jake did too. Maybe it was fate, maybe this was where I was supposed to be. The link between us may have just been more than either one of us could control. Something that was just supposed to be, like the stars or moon perhaps it existed just because it was supposed to. It seemed rational at the time, the overwhelming sense of purpose that brought us together.

"Hey, you didn't have to leave," a voice called out in the darkness behind me. Before I could turn to see, Embry had sat down beside me. I hadn't gotten a closer look until now. Rachel was right, he was cute in a boyish way.

"Oh, I know. I was taking advantage of the clear night I suppose. I felt like an intruder to the man show over there." He laughed at my poor humor.

"Can I join you?" he asked.

"Yeah sure." He inched closer to me and his arm purposely brushed against mine. Even if he was sent on a mission by my friend, which I was certain had arranged this opportunity, I was grateful for the distraction. At least I could keep those ridiculous thoughts of Jacob at bay until I had a more opportune time to analyze them.

"The others decided to play moonlight football," he informed me. I glanced behind us to see a formation of two teams on the beach.

"You don't play?" I asked.

"Broke thumb," he explained, showing me the bandage on his hand.

"Ah. Bar fight?" I teased.

"Car door, actually," he replied sheepishly.

"Hardly heroic."

"I got the last laugh."

A few quiet moments passed and I could hear the scruff of a football game somewhere behind us. I wanted to look, but I was afraid seeing Jake would only make me crazier.

"So, I hear you're babysitting Coop," Embry said interrupting my thoughts and steering me back to reality. Relieved to have some other topic to focus on I gave him my undivided attention.

"Just until Sue gets well." Although I knew that my tenure was only temporary something about the thought of no longer seeing Cooper or Jake made me feel very sad. It was the first time that the reality had entered my mind and with it brought about a whole new round of anxieties.

"He's a good kid." I looked back up to meet Embry's eyes and caught a glimpse of the game. Jacob was about fifteen yards away from where we sat and his team evidently was skins. Immediately my face felt flush and returned my eyes to Embry.

"Oh, yeah. I enjoy it. And it helps Jake." The tone of my voice seemed inflated as I said his name, and Embry smiled at my nervousness.

"So you moved from the rez?" I asked quickly, hoping to dispel any inference from my little mishap and to get Jake away from the forefront of my thoughts.

"Yeah, I live in Port Angeles and work for Jake. Not too far from home."

"Practically still in the neighborhood," I replied dryly.

"You're funny Bella."

"I have my moments."

A few quiet seconds passed as we both seemed absorbed by the endless stars. The night seemed almost perfect.

"I think about moving back sometimes, but I don't know. I suppose I'm still a bit unsettled, but home's a mindset not a location." His focus never left the sea and I wondered if he were speaking more to himself than to me. I always assumed that I was the only one who walked the world without really understanding it, but something in Embry's tone made me think he might be as lost as I was.

"You're really insightful."

"I have my moments," he echoed and we both started laughing. Embry was such an easy going guy, almost effortless. I had been closed off from the world for so long, and I realized that I must be missing out on a lot of great feelings. In that moment I was carefree and light, and Embry's easy nature only made me feel better. _A perfect night._

"Quit harassing the lady." Embry and I both turned unexpectedly after hearing the unnoticed voice.

"Mind your business Black. Bella's keeping the cripple entertained," he snipped. Jacob rolled his eyes.

"One benefit of being injured is all the attention I get from pretty ladies." He leaned back with his arms behind him.

"You're full of crap," Jacob replied standing at the edge of the rock we were on. The moon was no longer visible only a glow somewhere in the distance as Jacob stood in front of us. I straightened up.

"What? You don't think Bella's beautiful?" he challenged sitting up straight, placing his arm loosely on my shoulder.

"I've had Bella's cooking, trust me her looks aren't even the half of it." Although his words were said in jest I couldn't help but blush at them. He seemed to be blushing too, but I couldn't tell for sure.

"You actually cook for this ape? Promise me I'll be invited over for dinner soon," he whispered in my ear. I giggled at the apparent rivalry.

"Don't encourage him Bella or you'll need a restraining order."

"I should warn you my father is the police chief," I said participating in the banter.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Embry snapped moving his arm closer to my back.

"Emily sent me over here to get you; she has something for you."

"Bella, come say goodbye before you leave," he said standing to his feet.

"Sure," I promised.

Jake sat in his place with a marginal gap between us.

"Sorry about him," he apologized keeping his eyes locked on the water.

"He doesn't seem too bad."

"You really are too kind hearted." He turned to smile at me and I looked up to meet his eyes. There was no trace of hostility or resentment like I had feared. He was almost as carefree as Embry had been. Was it possible that Jacob was softening? Or that I had misread him altogether?

"We all have our flaws," I reminded him.

"I'll keep him away from you." I turned to look toward Embry who had made it back to the fire. He was laughing and his smile was almost spiritual. I couldn't place Jake's trepidation for his friend, but it seemed unmerited.

"I think Rachel is trying to set us up."

"Huh?" He asked with a shocked expression on his face. I could see the color slowly drain from his cheeks and wondered if I had said the wrong thing.

"Embry," I began to explain. "I doubt that it was his entire fault. I think he may have had some encouraging."

"Oh. Sorry. I thought you meant…well, never mind. She means well." He didn't make very much sense, but he was relieved and life flowed back into his face.

"I seem to be the charity case for many people. There must be a non-profit group called '_Find Bella a Man'_ that I'm not aware of. "

He chuckled. "I doubt you have any trouble. Maybe you're looking in the wrong places." If he only knew how right he was.

"More like not at all," I admitted foolishly. This should have been the place to turn the conversation around, but I felt overwhelmingly at ease enough to talk about my horrible past. I pulled my knees into me and rested my head on them.

"Rach told me about your divorce, I'm really sorry."

"Those things happen," I said brushing away the memories of the worst pain I'd ever faced. I gently reminded myself that I would deal with it later.

"Does it get easier?"

I turned my face to the water, hugging my knees tighter.

"I'm sorry that's too personal."

"No I don't mind," I replied trying to find some diplomatic way to verbalize the pain I'd gone through. "Somewhere beneath all the hurt is a small fragment of love, but it's not the same. It's a love based on what was, not what could be. I guess that's the difference." I was amazed how my feelings were flowing so smoothly. I had packaged them away so carefully, and here they were on display, and surprisingly it didn't hurt to show them. "The best part of love is not knowing what the future has in store. What about you? Think you'll ever fall in love again?"

"My mother always told me to _never say never_." He stood up and dusted off his dark jeans. I wanted to move my eyes somewhere else, to look at the ocean or the stars or anything, but I was too mesmerized by his face.

"Going back to the party?" he asked a little nervously.

"Uh, yeah. I guess so."

"Here," he said extending his arm out to me. I grabbed a hold and with one swift jerk I was on my feet. My fingers instinctively wrapped around the strong tendons in his forearm and jolts of electricity shot through my body from the warmth of his skin.

"Bella," he said still grasping my hand, "I'm really glad Cooper has you."

"Me too." He dropped my hand and we started walking toward the bonfire occasionally brushing against one another.

"You're gonna make a great mother someday."

I laughed.

"What?" he asked puzzled.

"I honestly haven't thought about that possibility in a long time." I had dreams of a family but James robbed me of those and I had them buried just as deep as my memories and thoughts.

"You should reconsider. Some kid would be lucky to have you. I know Coop loves you."

"I love that little guy too."

"I grew up without a mom and although my dad was great I always thought my own kids would have a mother. It just seems like the right way. And now I'm raising a son by myself. Life doesn't work out the way we plan."

"Not everything is black and white."

"You know what? Enough of the heavy. Ever played football under the moon and stars?"

I had never been an avid sportsman in the day light. I had crippling clumsiness for most of my adolescent life and adult hood hadn't been much better. I had gained some control over my ineptness, but I wasn't sure taunting fate was in my best interest, especially in the dark on a rocky beach.

"Uh, I don't know," I said reluctantly.

"We'll go easy on ya." I couldn't resist Jake's boyish grin so I agreed, like a fool. I was a different person now and I had no choice in the matter. After all, what did I have to lose?

_**A/N: So this chapter is substantially longer than the first few. I hope you've found that I'm trying to better explain my characters. Let me know what you thought, please. If you like this story then recommend to a friend **___


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! No copyright infringement intended.**_

_**A/N: hello readers! Sorry for the long break but don't worry, I've about got the next chapter in the bag so it won't be so long. Hope you enjoy this chapter. **_

Chapter 6:

Playing football was not as torturous as I had anticipated. Despite my lack of coordination, I actually enjoyed the thrill of it. The wind whipped through my hair and during the moments that I had secured footing the night air felt good against my skin. The first game Jake was on my team as well as Jared, and we played against Seth, Quil and Claire. Jared would gently pass me the ball and Jake hovered over me to prevent me from getting tackled until I ran to the end of the goal. The plan actually worked since Jacob was the biggest guy there and none of the others displayed much desire to challenge him.

The next game Jake and I were on opposite teams. Quickly, realizing that without Jake I was the weakest link, Seth and Jared rarely gave me the ball. The one time I got it, Jacob picked me up and spun me around until I dropped it. Eventually the spinning caught up with him and he fell on top of me. I somehow escaped and recovered to score. It was a fluke but I gained the respect of Jake and his friends and of course bragging rights. At the height of my victory the guys decided to call it quits.

"Nice play," Embry said from the sideline.

I walked over to him and whispered, "It was complete luck."

"Well, I was cheering you on."

"Thanks. I've never had my own cheerleader."

"Next time I'll be sure to wear a skirt."

"Can't wait to see it," Rachel interrupted giving me a slight grin and elbowing Embry in the ribs. I blushed at her hidden assumption. "Bella, what about a sleepover tonight?" she asked unexpectedly.

"I left my sleeping bag and teddy bear at home," I replied caustically.

"I'm serious," she placed her hands on my shoulders convincingly. "We can eat junk and watch crappy romantic movies." I met her gaze with surprise. She seemed serious.

"And pick out wedding invitations," she added timidly, revealing her ulterior motive. I moved a step back and her arms fell to her sides. I really didn't oppose her agenda but at least wanted to seem a bit apprehensive.

"And freeze each other bras," Paul chimed in from behind her.

"And pillow fight in your underwear," Embry added with enthusiasm, looking me over with a smile.

"Bella doesn't wear underwear," Rachel said to Embry, causing his face to flush bright red. I giggled at his sudden transition into embarrassment. Rachel met my unsuspecting expression with a pleading smirk.

"I'm in as long as you stay away from my underwear," I finally agreed.

Rachel said a long and uncomfortable for everyone watching goodbye to Paul and we went back to her place.

I had to admit a sleepover was fun, even at our age. Something about forfeiting adult responsibilities was amusing. We were halfway through the first horribly romantic movie, when a small noise from outside got our attention. Rachel's eyes narrowed and she moved closer to the window. The bushes outside rustled, and my heart sank. Just as she went to press her face against the window a huge thud hit the glass and she shrieked.

"Stupid boys," she muttered, the color returning to her red-brown skin and her nostrils flaring. I started laughing when I realized it must be Paul and Embry crashing our sleepover.

"I'm going to kill them." Rachel ran outside in her sock feet and I followed close behind stopping just past the open door. Paul was rounding the corner of the house, when she hollered at him.

"Paul, what the heck are you doing?"

He was laughing so hard he could hardly breathe. I heard a second round of laughter coming from the other side, assumedly Embry.

"Well it's not underwear but I guess it will do," Paul said looking over Rachel approvingly.

"Sorry to ruin the fantasy," she snipped. To keep the sleepover festive Rachel and I, at her insistence, put on the fuzziest most ridiculous pajamas we could find and pulled our hair into pig tails. I was sure Paul was disappointed past the current amusement. He placed a kiss on her forehead and scooped her up without any effort. They ran past me back into the house with her kicking and screaming in irritation. I followed behind them praying no one else saw me in this get up, especially Embry, who had yet to come into view. Once inside, I turned and Jacob was standing close behind me. Embry was nowhere to be found.

Our glances met, and I held Jacob's impish stare for too long. I didn't care that my hair was in pigtails, and I was wearing rubber duck pajama pants, for that instant there was a connection. Jacob was free of the chains, and his bright smile and expression only proved my instinct. I wanted desperately to believe that he came here to see me, but I wasn't sure. It really didn't make sense. I didn't even tell him goodbye at the bonfire.

"This is mine and Bella's sleepover. You two need to leave," Rachel spat at Paul.

"Where's the popcorn?" Jake asked ignoring her irritation. "I'm starving."

"Forget that, where's the pillows?" Paul said with a smirk.

"Bella can you find Jake some popcorn while I take care of this moron?"

I walked into the kitchen and Jake followed me.

"Are you guys really bored?" I asked trying to justify his presence with logic as opposed to hope.

"Paul's idea. I'm just a harmless sidekick."

"I see." I set the timer on the microwave. "You could have said no."

"And missed seeing your pants," he snickered.

"What happens here stays here," I warned menacingly. He laughed. "Maybe I should get a picture." I rolled my eyes at him.

A couple of minutes later we entered the living room with two bowls of popcorn. Rachel and Paul were in the floor, in a pretzel like position, both red faced and neither one budging. Their wrestling match would have been entertaining, but I decided to break them apart. Sometimes their constant feuding and making up was enduring. Tonight it was irritating.

"How about we call it a truce, and finish the movie," I suggested.

The couple sat on one end of the sectional couch curled up with one bowl of popcorn, and I sat opposite of them with the other. Jacob sat in the floor at the corner of my end.

After fifteen minutes of torturous love scenes, Paul and Rachel excused themselves, and Jake and I sat awkwardly in the living room alone.

"You don't have to sit in the floor."

He moved onto the couch, closer to me than I had hoped for but still keeping a respectable distance between us. The mood was awkward but in an exciting way. I watched the light of the screen flicker unaware of what was taking place. I was lost in thoughts of being close to Jacob.

Suddenly, I jerked at the sound of his phone vibrating. He seemed annoyed by the display on the screen but answered anyway, walking outside for privacy.

He reentered about ten minutes later, his face hard and his eyes angry. I knew the look all too well. It was the look I had endured when we first met.

He sat back down beside me, his breathing heavier than before.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he spat.

His phone vibrated again and without looking he shoved it between the couch cushions. He was on the verge of exploding.

I smiled at him calmly. "What's wrong?"

He took in a deep breath. "It's nothing really. Sorry."

"Jake," I demanded.

"You don't want to know."

"You're upset. I do want to know."

"Megan."

"Huh?'

"Coop's mother. It seems she finally developed a conscious and wants to become mother of the year. She's asking for visitation."

"I'm sorry." I had never actually heard the full version of where Cooper's mother was. People could change and I didn't want to pass judgment so quickly. But the thought of someone hurting my sweet little Cooper tore me apart. I did think of Cooper as mine. I had been with him the last few weeks and I had taken care of him, played with him, held his hand when he went across the monkey bars, rejoiced with him when he rode his bicycle without training wheels. I was there when he had strep throat. I had attached to him and I loved him. In my heart the purest of love overflowed for that child. And not even Jacob could take it away.

"What does this mean? Can she take him?" I asked terrified. I had saw movies where mothers take their children after abandoning them. Was it possible she would leave with him? Would she take him from Jacob? From me?

"She signed her parental rights over six weeks after he was born. She has no legal claim to him, but she feels like it's the right thing to do. I met with her earlier and she's not changed. If anything she's worse and I think she's only after money. I can't allow her in."

"I understand. You're doing the right thing."

"Am I? Is having no mother better than having part of one."

"Coop may not have a mother, but he has lots of people that love him unconditionally. That has to count for something."

"It's just a mess. Every decision I make seems like the wrong one."

"He's your son. You know what's best. If your instinct is telling you she hasn't changed then I'd follow it."

"Thanks." He inched over closer, and placed his hand over mine. I smiled. "I know Coop is important to you. You've been more than a friend to him. He told me just yesterday that he wished you could be his mommy."

I couldn't respond. Tears flooded my eyes and my heart swelled. I felt exactly the same way but I couldn't admit that to Jake, not yet anyway.

"So, how did you get suckered into deciding on wedding invitations?" His subject change was welcomed and I swallowed thickly.

"It's my duty as maid of honor, I suppose."

"Lucky you."

"It's not all bad. I didn't really get to do any of this when I got married."

"Really? Why?"

"Eloped."

"Smart." He mused.

"Stupid." I disagreed.

"At least you attempted to do it the right way. I really got it backwards. At least you can say you were in love."

"You weren't?"

"No. I was barely nineteen; careless and stupid. I had only been out with Megan three times when she got pregnant. The night she called to tell me she was pregnant I was out with another girl. For the longest time I wasn't sure the baby was even mine. We weren't serious with each other."

"Wow."

"Things changed for me. I owned my responsibilities. That's just how I was taught. I don't regret it though. I have Coop and he's my whole purpose for living. The first time I laid eyes on him, I was changed."

"Not such a bad ending."

"He's the best thing that I've ever done."

"You know Bella, you're this huge part of our lives now and I hardly know you." His face was calm and his voice steady, but his fingers drummed against his knee rhythmically. Was he nervous?

"What do you want to know?" I dreaded his response. No answer that I had would be captivating to keep him beside me and I feared more than anything he'd leave.

"Favorite movie?" Ah, that one was simple.

"Romeo and Juliet, the classic version. Although the book is much greater."

"Favorite food?"

"Italian."

"Hockey or Football?"

"Ballet."

"I'm surprised we're even friends," he joked.

It felt nice for him to say we were friends. A week ago I thought he wanted to run me over with his car. By the time the ending credits were finished we were laughing and Paul came into the room. He's hair was completely messed up and his shirt and shoes where nowhere to be found. Jake and I shared a snide glance.

"Dude, she's my sister. Could you at least wait 'til I'm gone." Paul cocked his eyebrow.

"J, I'm going to stay the night here. You can take my truck back home if you want. I'll pick it up tomorrow."

It was one thing to have a sleepover, it was another entirely to do so with a boyfriend present. "Hope you don't mind Bella-boo," Paul said with a sinister smile. I let out a deep sigh.

"No problem I'll sit here and plan your wedding while you practice for the honeymoon."

"I don't need practice," he boasted. "But, thanks."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the stack of magazines and catalogs from the floor. I suppose if I were stuck here I could serve some purpose.

"I could take you home," Jake offered.

"That's okay. If I don't do this now she'll just drag me over some other time."

"I'll help you," Jake suggested. "I always thought Paul would look sharp in a blue leisure suit." He spoke the last part loud enough for Paul to hear him.

"Good night! You crazy kids better behave yourself," Paul called from the distance.

Jake and I both rolled our eyes.

_**A/N: Okay go leave me a review and let me know what you think.**_


	7. Chapter 7

**_Disclaimer: I've said it before, but because I have to I'll say it again…. I own nothing!_**

**_A/N: Slowly more and more readers are finding this story, and I'm hoping that you're enjoying it. I'm sorry it takes me so long to update, just hang in there with me. REVIEWS are extremely motivating _****_J_****_ Not that I'm begging or anything. I just like a little insight and criticism_**

**_A Winding Road_**

**_Chapter 7 _**

Jacob stayed for more than two hours laughing and talking lightheartedly while I organized Rachel's wedding plans. He didn't enjoy the task, and neither did I for that matter, but we both seemed to enjoy just being together. The evening had certainly been a turning point in our relationship. I was convinced that I had proven my intentions to him and that he trusted me. With that weight off of me I could focus on being a friend that was clearly needed and although I tried to dismiss them, hopeful feelings of something more began to swim around me.

I was too keyed up after he left to sleep. I watched another mindless movie and relived the special moments of the night until a dreamless night of sleep took over. The last image in my mind was that of Jacob and Cooper.

The next morning after we dropped Paul off at home, Rachel and I met Alice for breakfast at the Forks Diner. The only thing that Alice and Rachel had in common was their friendship with me. Their personalities were as opposite as night and day, and I seemed just passive enough to be a good friend to both of them. They tolerated each other well enough to enjoy a few outings for my benefit. It was often uncomfortable for me because the topic of conversation tended to be Bella-centric.

"You seem sun-shinier today, B," Alice noted.

"Really?" I asked innocently, adding a third pack of sugar to my coffee.

Rachel just glanced between the two of us in between sending and receiving a text from Paul.

"Well, you're smiling more."

Rachel seemed to be too engrossed in her texting conversation to participate, but I feared that she would give Alice too many details about last night. She hadn't probed like I anticipated that she would but I was holding my breath waiting for her to drop the bomb. Part of me hoped she didn't pick up on the connection that Jake and I had, but it was almost visible, even Paul alluded to it. I was growing anxious as she tossed the phone into her open purse on the floor. I did the only thing I could do and threw out the one topic I hated to talk about, but knew they'd love even more than talking about my life-weddings. Soon enough they were chatting back and forth discussing the details of their respective weddings. Although Alice had changed her date several times, she had every detail down to the wire and with Rachel's wedding just around the corner it was a perfect match. I felt pleased with my cunning sidestep, and in between their rants of seating order, catering costs, and reception locations, I found myself thinking of Jacob.

Just as our food arrived I heard a familiar giggle coming from the entrance. Rachel and I looked up at the same time and Cooper was running to us; Jacob a few steps behind him. My breath stopped in that moment when his eyes locked on mine and small flutters stirred in my stomach. After a long second I remembered to breathe. He had on a tight fitting green tee shirt and dark jeans. His skin was radiant against the emerald cotton, and I had to refocus my stare to the table to prevent from embarrassing myself. Each time I saw Jacob there seemed to be an intense physical attraction.

"Belll-bbbaaa" Cooper said excitedly running to my lap.

"Hey bud."

"What no love for your favorite auntie?" Rachel teased.

"Sow-ry," he said with a pout.

"I can't seem to get away from you," Jacob said ruffling the back of Rachel's hair. She rolled her eyes.

Alice looked Jake over. It was unavoidable and I knew I'd have to introduce them.

"Jacob this is my friend Alice," I said with notable disinterest.

"Nice to meet you," he said politely extending his hand to her.

"Yes finally, I've heard so much about you," she said with a pause. "And of course Cooper too," she finished smiling at the boy. I could feel the flush of red run through my cheeks.

"Do you want to join us?" Rachel asked.

"Uh, no. We've already eaten. I actually came to ask you to watch Coop while I finish up a project at the garage."

"I promised Charlie I'd come in today and get his paperwork ready for court tomorrow."

"Oh."

"I'm not doing anything," I announced. Alice looked at me sourly. I had reluctantly entertained the thought of spending the afternoon with Alice's family, including Edward. I could sense there was a scheme in her plan and I was more than willing to do anything to get out of it. Luckily, I hadn't fully accepted her invitation.

"I couldn't ask you to do that," Jacob said.

"I insist," I replied persuasively.

"Alright," Cooper interjected.

"If it's okay I'll just take him to Charlie's."

"Sure. I'll just be a little while. Coop, behave yourself."

"Bye daddy," he said grabbing a piece of sausage from Rachel's plate.

The afternoon was pretty quiet. Cooper didn't have a whole lot of entertainment at Charlie's but we made do with some markers and paper. By the time Jake got back Cooper was napping on the couch. I met him at the door to keep him from waking up Coop.

"Bella, thanks again. You're the best," he whispered.

"Just taking care of my boys," I laughed. "Besides you saved me from a dinner with Alice's family."

"Are they that bad?" He asked interested.

"No. Not at all. Alice always has an ulterior motive," I explained. He nodded and I wasn't sure if he understood the full meaning but I realized I didn't want to elaborate. "Wanna sit down?"

"Thanks." Jacob walked to Charlie's recliner and I sat at the edge of the couch on the open end.

"Looks like you two had a big day." I turned to see Cooper lost in sleep with a small pucker on his lips.

"I should probably invest in some activities for him when he comes over." I realized after the statement came out I was giving some degree of permanence to our friendship. I thought perhaps I should have been more cautious. Had I earned enough respect to think that I was to be a practical part of their lives? Jacob didn't react to the statement and I breathed a little easier.

"Is Charlie working?" he asked.

"Yeah, he's been getting ready for this trial coming up. Hopefully he'll be able to rest a little easier when it's over."

"It comes with the job I suppose."

"Can I get you something to drink?" I asked tending to my manners.

"No, thanks. You know you could still make dinner with the Cullen's," he said with notable intrigue.

"Don't say that or I'll have to make you wait outside." A sweet mischievous grin crossed his face and he settled deeper into the recliner. A few quiet seconds passed.

"I was thinking that I could just drive you home every evening, you know as a favor to Charlie." He'd definitely taken me off guard and I studied his expression. His eyes were bright and I couldn't help but sense that Charlie was a cover and that gave me a small inflation of hope. I was definitely thinking of Jacob in a way that I knew was dangerous. I was putting my heart on the line, and I wasn't entirely sure that my heart had even healed. But healing is a process, and whatever stir of emotion, be it fate, destiny, or just loneliness, I allowed myself the satisfaction of falling deeper and deeper into an ocean of wonderful uncertainty.

"I'm sure Charlie will appreciate it," I finally replied with great emphasis on his cover.

"Do you really like it here? I mean in Washington." he asked, dismissing our former topic of conversation.

"I think so. I mean it's not exactly where I thought I would end up. But I love Charlie and I'm glad for the opportunity to get to know him better. What about you? Are you glad to be back at home?"

He considered the question for a few long seconds. "I guess I haven't thought about it. I keep thinking it's a temporary situation."

I wanted a better explanation but Cooper started to wake up. A deep yawn escaped his mouth and he sat upright. His eyes focused slowly but eventually brightened as he saw his father.

"Hey bud, you ready to get home?" Jacob asked as Cooper made his way into his father's lap.

"What about Belba?" he asked still sleepy.

"I think we've bothered **Bel-la** enough for one day. We need to stop and check on Papa anyway." Jake went to see Billy almost every day. He never stayed a great length of time, but he did make sure he was eating, and taking his medicine. It was easy to see that Billy's situation was hard for him to deal with.

"But she can come with us," Coop urged climbing down from his lap. Jacob stood to his feet.

"I should wait for Charlie," I interjected. I knew how unrelenting the child could be. He could always handle "no" better when it came from me. "I'll be over tomorrow," I reminded him hoping to save Jacob some three year old anguish. He gave me a quick hug, and Jacob gave me a thankful smile. I waved to them until they pulled from the curb. The two of them had such a special place in my heart. I couldn't imagine a life without them.

That evening Charlie called to say he was watching a game at Bernies, a restaurant- sports bar combination just outside of Forks, conveniently located inside an old barn. I had been there a few times as it was one of the only local venues for any type of entertainment. It was a unique place to say the least.

With Charlie out of the house I decided to take a hot bubble bath and go to bed early. As badly as I wanted to, I couldn't sleep. My mind was consumed with racing thoughts and I found myself trying to evaluate my life. I knew I needed to decide on a career. Working at Newton's had been okay for now but I needed to be more ambitious. Did I want to continue taking classes at community college or did I want to focus on something more valuable? And then of course through all my thoughts were Jacob and Cooper.

Tired of thinking and tossing in the bed, I went downstairs for a glass of water. Just as I hit the bottom step the phone started ringing. I made it by the third ring.

"Hello," I answered, assuming it was Charlie.

"Bella. Where you asleep?" Jacob asked on the other line.

"Uh, no," I stammered.

"Am I bothering you?"

"Not at all," I said reassuringly. It was almost relief to hear his voice. Had I missed him? I thought maybe that I had.

"Listen tomorrow is supposed to be unusually sunny and I mentioned to Coop that we could go to the park. He insisted that you come with us. But I thought I'd ask you before you got caught off guard. I know it's hard for you to tell him no and I don't want you to feel obligated if you had other things to do."

"I'd love to go with you guys. I really do enjoy spending time with him." It wasn't a lie. I'd rather be with Cooper than almost any other person in the world and the fact that Jacob was there was an incredible bonus. Once again, hope began to soar.

"He'll be excited."

"Great." I thought the conversation would end. It seemed the call had served its purpose. But instead of goodbye, he continued with general conversation.

"Did Charlie get home?" he asked.

"Not yet. He's at Bernies watching a game," I explained, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. Charlie's phone cord barely reached and I made a mental note to buy a cordless phone.

"We saw him today when we visited dad."

"He didn't mention that he was going by."

"He comes by pretty frequently." Charlie never mentioned his friend much anymore. It was painful for him too.

"Really? I should probably go visit him more too. Is he doing okay?" I didn't really need to ask. Rachel kept me well informed on her father's condition, but it seemed appropriate to show some concern for Jacob's sake.

"He's about the same. Some days are better than others."

"Are you okay?" I could tell he was bothered, and I surmised it had to do with this visit. When he left, his mood was carefree and light and now he seemed down. "I can't imagine how hard it has to be."

"It's not something you get used to. He seems to gradually get worse."

"I'm really sorry. I can sympathize with you."

"Thank you. I guess I should let you get back to whatever it was you were doing. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night."

"Goodnight Jake." I placed the primitive phone back in the cradle on the wall. Something was happening and the hope soaring in my heart had me believing that it could be more than friendship.


	8. Chapter 8

**__****A/N: So a lot is happening in this chapter, thoughts please.**  


**Chapter 8 **

**_Disclaimer: don't own it, not trying to._**

**_A/N: Can you believe another update so soon? This is a longer chapter so I should get some redemption. How lucky are you? haha_**

The following days only brought about more hope. Time spent with "my boys" was quickly becoming an ordinary part of my life. We'd usually stop at the park or get ice cream, but daily there was some reason not to return to Charlie's immediately, some reason to spend just a little bit more time together. It wasn't out of the ordinary to expect a phone call from Jake at night, and I felt closer to him than I had to anyone since my divorce. Our connection was unremarkable, a rarity. I took care of them as if they were mine and I found great fulfillment in becoming a part of their everyday lives. It felt very natural to take on that role. Although things between Jacob and I were growing immensely, we were still in the friends territory. I knew there was deeper meaning to our relationship, but it was yet to be labeled otherwise. I was content though.

After a couple of comfortable weeks, I felt a routine forming. I was quickly becoming a permanent part of their life. The second Friday following Rachel's sleepover, the weather was perfect, at least for Washington. Jacob had promised Coop he'd teach him to fly a kite, and with unwavering four year old persistence I was invited along.

It took a few tries for him to understand the concept and eventually he was just content to run with the kite string in his hand. Occasionally, the wind would catch beneath the kite and he'd get it right. After about half an hour he laid the kite down and went to play in a tide pool by the rocks. Everything Cooper did was amazing and I found myself in awe of the simplest things.

Jacob and I followed him to the tide pool, sitting close by with our feet in the water. I sat relaxed with my palms resting flat on the ground behind me, allowing the sun to warm my face and shoulders. The earth beneath my fingers was dry. No reminder of the endless days of rain that proceeded this beautiful day of sun. The waves crawled surreptitiously to the shore creating a serene melody among the fresh air and briny fragrance of a perfect day. It felt like a private clandestine oasis.

Jacob relaxed too but seemed more preoccupied than normal. We sat quiet for several minutes before I recognized a shuffle from beside me followed by a deep clearing of his throat.

"I could use a favor," he said. I sat up, concerned by the serious tone in his voice.

"Sure," I replied. I'd gladly do anything for him.

"I'm trying to work out a business deal with one of the larger restoration business in Port Angeles. The owner has invited me to dinner with him and his wife tomorrow night. He insisted I bring someone and I don't think Coop is the type of dinner guest they wanted."

I opened my eyes and sat to face him. He seemed worried. "Look I understand if you don't want to, I just really didn't know who else to ask. I don't have a lot of female friends." His bottom lip twisted nervously as the question revealed itself slowly.

"I'd love to," I answered a little too eagerly, but he seemed relieved.

"Six okay?"

"Yes."

That evening after I arrived home, despite my good sense, I called Alice.

"Hello," she sang in a high soprano voice.

"Hey," I replied in a notably languid tone. I could have hung up and spared myself the agony that was sure to come from her excitement of finally experimenting with my wardrobe.

"I thought I'd be hearing from you." I was confused for a split second and my former train of thought ceased. Alice had a way of doing that.

"I need to borrow a dress," I informed her reluctantly, the words barely audible.

"Are you going to a funeral?" she asked with grave sincerity.

"No," I barked offering her an exaggerated eye roll that she couldn't see. "Jacob asked me to a business dinner."

"A date?" she asked scandalously. I imagined her fingertips tapping hastily against each other.

"No," I replied with noticeable disappointment.

"You want something that says sexy, or serious," she decided after a quiet pause. "Oh, or a little bit of both."

"Please don't make this any harder than it has to be. I just need something suitable for a business dinner."

"Fine I'll see what I have." In the background I could hear the double doors of her oversized closet open.

"I'll come by after work."

"See you then."

My shift ended at four and I immediately went to Alice's apartment for my conversion. I refused the full treatment and allowed her only to pick out a dress and fix my hair. I certainly didn't feel like becoming a Barbie doll, and Alice enjoyed the makeover too much for her own good. I couldn't risk making it a habit. I was already dreading the day she and Jasper set a date for their wedding. I would be unrecognizable in the epitome of bridal horror she was sure to choose for my bridesmaid dress. I regretted that Alice didn't have sisters she could pawn her wares off on.

"Jacob's gonna be blown away," she said smoothing away the last of the fly-away strands of hair. I hoped she was right but I felt a sworn duty to dissuade her from the possibility. I was afraid her hope would infiltrate my own struggling hope.

"I'm doing this as a favor, strictly platonic," I reminded her. She looked stoic for a second, and then a mischievous grin crossed her pixie face. She had high expectations that this was something more and I needed to dispel them before she got completely out of control. I knew her too well, and I could see the wheels turning in her head. Tomorrow she might possibly go shopping for dresses for my own wedding. Besides if I said it out loud than perhaps my own swelling hopes would silence.

"Whatever! You're in total denial."

"Explain," I demanded. I was hoping to gain some insight into her reasoning to help me camouflage the soar of feelings I was harboring for him.

"You like him," she said obviously.

"He's off limits. He's like a boss to me."

"Bella, we set our own limits. He's got a beating heart and a bare finger, so he's fair game." She made a valid point.

I let out a deep sigh. Why did I try to argue with Alice? She really had my best interests at heart. She knew more than anyone else how hard my life had been since the divorce. Although abrasive at times, Alice was full of pure intentions. It was just easier to ignore the small fraction of possibility that she was right, and this evening could be a momentous turning point in labeling the feelings between me and Jacob Black.

I made it home just a little before six, and thankfully Charlie wasn't there. The inquisition with my friend was painful enough, I couldn't stand another one.

I glanced in the hall mirror, giving myself one last look. The reflection was almost unrecognizable. My long chestnut hair was swept up at the nape of my neck, and smoothed to perfection. The dress Alice finally decided on was fairly simple but elegant-a straight black sheath that touched at the knee. She loaned me a beautiful necklace of white pearls that layered around my neck in three strands. I wore basic open-toed heels that seemed safe enough to walk in. I opted for a hint of mascara and lipstick instead of the full blown runway makeup she had originally planned. The small modest treatment had done wonders for my appearance, and I actually felt good.

A faint knock at the door signaled my departure was close at hand. I carefully walked across the wood floor in an attempt to acclimate my clumsy body to balancing in heels. I only stumbled once before reaching the door. I took in a deep calming breath and opened the door. Jacob was leaned against the porch post facing the road. I was completely stunned by how well he was dressed. He was wearing dark pinstripe trousers, and a very crisp pink button down shirt.

"Wow," I said stepping next to him. I noticed his tie matched his shirt, and I wondered if he had help picking out his ensemble. "You clean up nice." My heart began to hammer in an unsteady rhythm and I took in a deep breath to steady the pace.

He turned with an awkward grin allowing his eyes to carefully glance across me. "I could say the same thing."

"What? This old thing," I said ridiculously reminding myself of Blanche from the Golden Girls.

Jacob grinned, trying to ease the awkwardness of the moment. I really wanted the evening to relax, but I had such high faith in the outcome that I was agonizing over perfecting every single minute, as if I were trying to make a business deal myself. My mind knew it wasn't a date, but my heart had a different agenda. I willed both of them to make a compromise, but all that resulted was an upset stomach, and a nervous rapping beneath my chest.

I locked the door and Jacob was already waiting in the car, the passenger door left opened-a chivalrous reminder that we were not on a real date.

I sat down, placing my sweaty hands awkwardly in my lap wishing for some pockets to shove them in. Jacob focused on the road, and I numbly watched the scenery as it passed by. My thoughts circled around the man sitting beside me. I admired Jacob for many reasons. He was an amazing devoted father, and he had become one of my best friends. He also made fire course through my veins every time I thought about him. My palms began to sweat more, and my heartbeat was unsteady. I took in a deep breath to keep from getting dizzy. Would I ever be able to tell him? Would he feel the same way? I had honestly thought the feelings were just infatuation, but the last few weeks had only allowed more feelings to surface.

"I should thank you for agreeing to this." I was grateful he started the conversation as I was in no shape to make original dialogue, but I could at least react to his.

"You're welcome. Of course you realize that you'll have to accompany me to the annual Newton's pig roast now."

"Sounds great," he said acerbically. The tension seemed to lift and a small glimmer of excitement remained as I calmed myself within normal limits. A slight grin formed at the edge of his mouth, and it reminded of Cooper.

"You never said exactly who we're going to meet." I had been so caught up in the fact of just going somewhere alone with Jacob that I hadn't allowed myself time to panic over the actual destination.

"Boyd Carson. He's been in classic restoration for about forty years. Does a lot of contracting and I could definitely use a piece of that pie. He's very old fashioned in his business which is why we are discussing this over dinner at his home. He's a self made man. Getting this invitation is huge." With that revelation I began to feel a new weight of responsibility. I needed to do everything I could to help Jake impress this man or at the very least not screw it up.

The drive continued with general conversation and stories and intermittent silence.

We pulled into the gated community. The houses all looked vaguely the same, overstated brick monstrosities with manicured lawns and zero charm. At the end of the cul-de-sac was the one house that stood out among the duplicities. A simple three story log home, as simple as a three story can be, was perched in between the ridges of the mountains. The only home with character I noted.

Jacob pulled the car to the front of the house and cut the engine. He grabbed a matching jacket from the back seat before getting out. He walked around the car and opened my door, helping me to my feet. I could feel my fingers trembling and balled my hands into fists.

"I hope I don't embarrass you," I said with a nervous giggle.

"You worry too much Bell. Just be yourself." "Myself" was exactly what I was afraid of.

I noticed a collection of unique art pieces just to the side of the property made with none other than old car parts. First a couple of swans that looked to have once been parts of a muffler. Mr. Carson was definitely a car guy and a bit eccentric. I bet his neighbors loathed him.

Once inside, the introductions were anything but formal. Mr. Carson greeted me first with a rib-cracking bear hug. His wife was next and she was just as jubilant as he was but with less force and a smaller stomach. I stepped back as Jake and Boyd, as he suggested I call him, exchanged a firm handshake. I took in a good look and noticed the couple. At first glance they would seem mismatched. Boyd was at least sixty-five. He was tall but still just under Jacob by a couple of inches. He reminded me of a Texas businessman-shrewd but simple. His cowboy boots were at least twenty years old and shined to perfection as if he'd bought them just yesterday. He wore dark jeans, a flannel shirt, and a corduroy dress jacket. He had graying hair, longer on the sides than the front but cut just short of his collar. His eyes were a bright vivid blue, balmy. His belly was plump, suggestive of a hearty appetite and years of business dinners. He had a gold watch and a thick gold wedding band.

Mrs. Carson was a huge contrast to her husband and yet she seemed to flatter him perfectly. She was petite, and a few years younger than him with long blonde hair secured into a flawless sleek ponytail at the nape of her neck. She wore navy slacks and a white blouse covered with a pink floral cashmere cardigan, all of which surely boasted designer labels. She was timeless, classic in her ensemble, but her shoes, an elegant silver strappy heel, revealed a more extravagant side. She looked like a woman of high society with tasteful clothing, but her smile told a story of a woman who didn't need fancy things to make her happy. Her green eyes were expressive, laugh lines marked the corners, and her lips seemed constantly curved upward. Any expectations I had of this evening and the tension I would endure were long gone with the warm sincere welcome we received. It was like visiting distant relatives. After a few introductory minutes of awkwardness, ease comfort began to fill the room.

We waited in the front room sipping wine while the dining room was still being prepared. From the front the house I hadn't expected such a lavish abode. But hidden beneath the dim light of evening was an entire mansion. The décor was simple and it was easy to see that Boyd's preference won out over his wife. The wood was dark, the walls and window treatments masculine. But her touch was there too, in the chandelier, the baby grand piano, and the fabulous accent pieces. Boyd was the big presence in the room-in the relationship- but she was there in the details. She was the one who pulled it all together. It's why they had been married for nearly forty years.

"Bella, I hear you are from Arizona," Boyd said swirling his wine in the flute. I wondered how much Jake had told him about me and why.

"Yes, Phoenix," I replied politely.

"It's very nice in Phoenix," Mrs. Carson interjected.

"And warm," I added before taking a sip from my glass.

"Yes, warm. I take it you're not a fan of Washington's wet weather."

"I have come to find it endearing, Mrs. Carson."

"It's Starla, dear."

I nodded.

More conversation flowed and eventually we moved into the dining room. The Carson's were simple enough people and the meal was fairly traditional. Dinner conversation consisted mostly of car talk, and then business talk. Once the men started talking dollars and cents, Starla invited me for a tour. I was grateful. It felt almost like intruding to hear the details of Jacob's business, although the parts I heard had me very impressed. Any worry that Boyd had of going into business with Jacob because of age and maturity surely had vanished as every response was extremely knowledgeable and purposefully crafted.

The tour consisted of the first floor of the main house and didn't take very long. As beautiful as their home was, I wasn't very interested in the dynamics of the tapestries or dinnerware. As the tour ended back in the front room, I sat beside of Jake on one of two black sofas. Starla moved by her husband sitting on the arm of his high-back chair and resting completely on him. They were opposite but yet somehow they fit. I wondered if Jake and I might look like that to them. I surmised we did not. Our sizes were within contrasting proportions, but outside of that similarity was nothing. Jacob was attractive, radiant. I was simply ordinary. Even in Alice's designer French dress, I still imagined that we would not balance each other.

"Thank you so much for dinner," I said as the Carson's walked us out. The nice couple had no idea that Jacob and I were just friends, and new friends at that. Appearances had led them to believe something else entirely and for a brief second I wanted to believe it too.

"You two are a very lovely couple. You are welcome back anytime," Starla said.

I smiled graciously.

Mr. Carson held the door open for us, and Jake placed his left arm around my waist directing me toward the car.

Once inside the car Jake waved goodbye to the Carsons, still standing under the awning. I smiled and waved too. At the end of the driveway Jacob stopped and pulled the jacket and necktie off and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his dress shirt. He rolled his neck around slowly.

"That's not fair."

"What?"

"I have to wear these miserable heels while you get comfortable."

Jacob leaned over the console and slid his hand below the seat, gently tapping both shoes until they fell off. "Better?" he asked, his breath brushing my legs. My body shivered in response uncontrollably. Did he notice?

"Are you cold?" he asked sitting straight up and grasping the steering wheel.

"Just a chill," I recovered. My face was on the verge of combusting from the rush of body heat, contrarily.

"You want my jacket?"

"No." I smiled politely. Jacob's eyes were warm and happy and completely oblivious to my current state.

"Hey, wanna drive by and see the shop?"

"Yeah." I would have swum in shark infested waters if it meant more time with Jacob.

I knew very little about cars or garages, but Jacob seemed to have a decent setup with six bays off the side, and a front office and waiting area upstairs looking out over the work area. In the back were storage areas and another bay used for painting.

Jake showed me the different parts of the work area and various tools and explained the process of what he did. He was rightly proud of his business and I felt a similar swell of pride for him. Once finished with the work area, he took me upstairs to the office. I was pleasantly surprised by the contemporary feel of it. There was a white leather sofa on the wall across from his sleek black desk that was surprisingly clean and organized. I sat down on the sofa and he sat on the corner of his desk just across from me.

"Cool office. I expected hot rod posters or blondes in bikinis."

"Sorry to disappoint."

I admired the large framed photographs on three of the office walls. They had been taken in various places of La Push and expressed the lives of his home. The portraits were beautiful, the images bringing beauty and glory to the simplest of places.

"Want something to drink?" he asked pointing to a mini fridge in the corner.

"No," I mumbled still observing the pictures.

"How do you think tonight went?"

"I think Boyd was impressed. You certainly handled yourself well. I bet he calls you soon."

"Bell, if I get his business, Coop will not want for anything. We will be set for a long time."

"These are amazing," I said. I knew it was rude to change the subject, especially since Jacob was so serious, but my mind couldn't process anything other than the beauty of the images.

"You really like them?"

"Yes," I responded rising to my feet and inspecting the art closer. "Who's the photographer?" I asked after a few moments passed.

"Bella, are you serious?"

"The light and composition is incredible." I had taken some summer photography classes at the civic center in Phoenix. My expertise was limited, but it was easy to see the beauty in these prints.

"I took them," he admitted, moving beside me to admire the beauty of his own work.

I realized that there were so many layers to him, and with each one that was revealed I was even more in awe and with each one I realized how far out of my reach he was. Other than admiration or devotion I wasn't sure I had much else to give Jacob. I hadn't loved or been loved by anyone in a long time, and after the brutal shattering of my heart, would I be completely capable of loving anyone completely? I realized that part of me already loved him and Cooper.

"It's really nothing," he said modestly.

I turned to face him. His dark eyes were lit with intrigue and approval. I unknowingly moved closer to him, so close a feather couldn't fit between us. After understanding his past and becoming so close to him it was clear that he had never truly been appreciated. He deserved so much from life and for some reason he had never realized it. I wanted more than anything to show how special he really was.

"You don't see yourself clearly. You are truly amazing. Those photographs are incredible. You're very talented."

My compliment made him blush but he smiled at my sincerity. His eyes held my gaze and I could see deep into his soul. Just as our breath grew closer there was a loud roar from an engine outside, startling us from the current moment.

We turned away from each other and my heart fell as the fire of the moment was now gone. I had been so close to him and a magnetic force had us just moments from a kiss. His eyes narrowed as we heard the sound of footsteps followed by a tap on the door.

The front door was just off the office and he had already reached it before I was on the steps leading out of the office. I couldn't yet make out who was there but there was definitely not a sign of welcome in Jakes demeanor.

"I saw the light on," a female voice said just beyond the entrance door.

"Are you stalking me now?" he barked. His tone was harsh and full or indignation.

"I need to talk to you." I moved closer eventually standing just behind him. She was around Jacob's age with dark brown hair, hollow eyes, and scabs covering the skin around her nose and lips. She looked like she had slept for days in the tattered jeans and sweatshirt she had on.

"I can see now is not a good time." I winced at her threatening tone toward me.

"This is my friend Bella."

I nodded. "I'm Megan. Cooper's mother." I had a response on the tip of my tongue but was interrupted.

"We're busy," Jacob hissed at her.

"I'm sure you are," she said and then looked at me disapprovingly. Jacob turned completely to face me and gave me a safe look. For the moment he seemed okay.

"This will just take a second." It was clear that whatever conversation was taking place Jacob didn't want me to hear it.

"I'll wait for you," I said retreating back into the office. I stood against the door to hear what was going on.

"Do you have a real purpose for being here?" I heard him ask.

"I want our family back" she said pleadingly.

"We were never a family," he laughed.

"I'm trying to do the right thing." She seemed to be sobbing at this point. I swallowed hard and pressed my ear so hard against the door it hurt.

"Too late," he spat with seething venom. Had I not known the pretense as to why she was here, I may have felt bad for her. Given the known circumstance, I felt she was getting what she deserved.

"Don't give up on me. I can change for you Jake." Her voice pleading cracked between bouts of tears and heavy breathing.

There was a pause, and for a second I feared he was considering her offer.

"Fine," she spat. "I'm not sticking around to bother you. I have a friend in El Paso that is willing to let me move in. I need six hundred dollar to get there and I don't have it." Her tears dried quickly and she made her request in a clear, confident voice.

"I'm not giving you any money to go anywhere," he yelled with implicate disdain in his tenor.

"If you don't want me back, I thought you'd want to get rid of me," she said lower, weak.

"Find your own damn way to Texas."

"I still love you," she pleaded in one last attempt. The tears and sobbing returned with furtive agility.

"Leave. Me. Alone," he said very clearly and then I heard the door slam abruptly. I could hear muted swearing followed by something metal being thrown. Tires squealed and the chaotic revving of an engine slowly faded into non existence. Once the echo died off, I heard his footfalls mounting the stairs.

I ran back to the couch and pretended that I hadn't heard any of it. He sat down beside me dropping his face into his hands. I gave him a few minutes before moving closer. "It's going to be okay," I whispered.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't know she was coming here."

"You don't have to be sorry."

"Can you believe that I was ever involved with someone like that?"

"We all make mistakes. Trust me." He leaned his against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. After a few moments he seemed composed.

"Do you like motorcycles?" he asked vibrantly.

"I've never given much thought to them."  
"Perfect," he said with a sinister grin. He grabbed my hands and pulled me down the stairs, through the bay and out behind the work area and into a private garage on the back of the property. There was just a faint light shining from the street lamp on the next street over, but I could make out a car under a dark cover, and a black motorcycle.

"Here," he said patting the seat. My stomach began flopping.

"I….I….don't…." I could only envision falling off of the thing and ruining Alice's dress.

"It's okay. I won't get you dirty," he said reading my mind.

I smiled.

"This is my preferred mode of transportation. It's not really child friendly though."

"I'll say."

"Don't worry it doesn't run," he smirked. "Yet," he added.

"I'll try to prepare myself for that day," I teased.

He laughed. "You'd like it more than you realize."

"I'll determine that when you get it running."

"Promise."

The intensity that once buzzed between us like a current was gone, replaced by a cooler, more comfortable atmosphere. My disappointment was short lived because just being in his company was enough. My heart wanted more. It would always want more of him, I determined. The feelings weren't going away any time soon, and I decided that to rush them, to force something, was wrong. My heart would have to hold still for now, and allow him to catch up.

**A/N: Okay so what are your thoughts?**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

The thrill of growing closer to Jacob soon subsided as we settled into a comfortable routine. Most of my hope for anything more than a friendship had dissipated as days passed. I didn't seem to mind, still content to have the role I had. I'd be lying to say I never thought of it, but I pushed away all urges to plot a scheme to "woo" Jacob. I supposed I gave enough hints along the way without trying. Sometimes it was hard to ignore the connection and attraction, but my intentions were to just be there for him and his son.

I had convinced myself long before I met Jacob that I could live without intimacy. There was a risk associated with growing close to someone, and I couldn't face the heartbreak that came with that risk. It was clear that I was needed in their lives, and for that fact I was happy. I could pretend that it was normal to suppress my attraction and I didn't risk being hurt like I had before.

As the summer drug on my time with them became limited. Sue would be returning soon as Cooper's caregiver, and I would be set free of the responsibility. Alice continually reminded me that I was finding excuses to hang on to them because they were a distraction from returning to real life. Maybe she was right, but I enjoyed going shopping, and running errands for them and seeing their faces at mealtime. It gave me a duty, a sense of pride. I didn't want to return to a real life, I wanted them to become my life. I couldn't explain that to Alice, because she'd not rest until she had schemed me and Jacob into matrimony. I couldn't make her realize that matrimony didn't always mean satisfaction. That was just how Alice was. I couldn't confide in Rachel either. Although I'm sure she had some suspicions, she never questioned my intentions with her brother. I felt like maybe she'd disapprove of me dating Jake and I shouldered the burden alone without a friend.

My last week was incredibly hard. I had dreaded it with infinite passion. My fear was that we would drift apart-out of sight, out of mind. I couldn't lose Jacob and Cooper. My life depended on them too much. Jacob had avoided talking about life after Sue's return and I couldn't bring myself to discuss it. _Living for the moment _was my new motto.

"Bella, I want to give you something. It's not much," Jacob said to me on Monday evening just one week before Sue resumed her duty. I had been feeling down the entire day and even Cooper had noticed that I was sad. I plastered a half-hearted smile on my face and went into my normal pretend mode.

He grabbed my hand and led me out behind the house with Cooper fast on our heels. On the back of the property just as the yard merged with overgrown forest was a metal garage that Jake had used when he was just a teenager. The tattered building had been home to his dream and was as much a part of him as La Push. On the dirt pad just in front of the door was an faded red truck.

"It was my dad's and he doesn't have a use for it anymore. It's all yours if you want it. I've done some work on her and she runs." Words failed me as he introduced me to my gift. I admired the antique Chevrolet truck. It was rough in some spots, but looked durable.

"I don't really know what to say." Words seemed unimportant in that moment. It was such a sweet gesture.

"You don't want it, do you?"

"Are you kidding? I love it, but I shouldn't…"

"Consider it payment for babysitting...and cleaning...and cooking...and ironing my clothes," he said with a wide smile. My heart sank. I wanted to fight the feelings that were erupting, because I knew he hadn't intended to make me feel that way. But my arms wrapped around his neck before I could tell them not to, crossing an invisible barrier set long ago. Tears welled in my eyes and a heavy lump sat in my throat. I choked back the tears.

"Jake, I do all that for you and Cooper," I said once I had let go of him. I was careful to put some distance between us.

"Please accept it," he urged. He opened the passenger door and I climbed in.

"Only if you're sure," I said checking out the steering wheel and the dashboard controls.

"You want to drive it home?"

"Um, yeah I guess." He tossed the keys at me.

He showed me the ins and outs of the truck, along the way explaining what he had done to fix it up for me. I could hardly contain my excitement and stopped to show it to Alice before heading home.

"Well it's certainly safe, which is exactly what you need." Alice was being patronizing but I didn't care. I was excited.

"Thanks. It was so nice of Jacob to just give it to me." I leaned against the tailgate with a great feeling of ownership.

"He owes you anyway," Alice said with a sharp tone.

"No he doesn't. I enjoy taking care of them." I could see her suppress an eye roll and she crossed her arms on her chest.

"You're falling for him." Her eyes became slits as she narrowed her glare. I cleared my throat.

"No, I'm not."

"How do you know he doesn't have a girlfriend? He has never made a pass at you, something is definitely wrong." Alice handled things in her way and her way was straight-forward and to the point.

"A man and woman can be friends without sexual interference," I snipped with a tinge of irritation. I wanted to live for the moment and she was casting a dark cloud over my state of mind with her honesty.

"Look I know I'm pushy and it grates your every nerve but if you're falling for him you've got to tell him. Bella, honesty is the best policy." Her eyes softened and the corners of her mouth curved up into a sweet smile.

I knew she was right. It would only be a matter of time before I slowly faded from their life. I had to secure my place and I had to make Jacob aware of my feelings.

_Bella, _

_We have other plans for dinner, no need to cook._

_Jake_

I was a bit stung by the note. One reason, I found great pleasure in taking care of Jacob and Cooper. Second reason: this was my last night as babysitter, I had hoped to fix a going away dinner that would leave a good memory of me.

I secretly wondered if the other plans would include a date with someone. Alice had planted a seed in my mind that I couldn't shake. I internally scolded myself for allowing my thoughts to turn that direction. I was certain that Jacob wasn't seeing anyone. We had become close enough friends that I would surely know. Besides when would have time. And if he was, it wasn't any of my concern.

The afternoon passed too quickly. I tried to store every second in the vault of my mind, not wanting to lose any memory of Cooper's sweet face. Other than a brief friendship I didn't have any ties to Jacob. Would this be my last day in Cooper's life.

Jake came in with two pizza boxes. I supposed whatever plans he had for dinner were going to take place at home.

"Do you need me to stay longer? If you have something else you need to do I don't mind watching Cooper." I offered.

"Well I'm not much of a cook but I wanted to repay the favor, so this is my dinner offering to you. We'd love for you to stay." A ridiculous smile spread across my face as I got the plates from the cabinet.

"Bella, can you stay and watch a movie," Cooper asked after I cleared the table and tidied up the kitchen. I was speechless, not sure how to respond. I didn't want to upset the child, who had such affection for me, but on the other hand, I didn't want to cross my boundaries with Jacob. I was certainly going to miss being here and if I could prolong the inevitable I would.

"I think that would be a great idea," Jacob said grabbing my hands and pulling me from the kitchen.

Cooper was already standing by the TV with a DVD in hand. I sat down on the couch and Cooper crawled up in my lap. Jacob sat on the opposite end. He turned the lamp off as the beginning credits began to play.

Halfway through the movie, Cooper became really still. The flickering light from the TV shone on his innocent face and my heart seemed inflated. I rubbed his soft ink-black hair as he lay content in my lap. I loved this child with the depths of my heart. I couldn't imagine loving another child this way. Tears started forming and I blinked to keep them from falling. Although Jake promised that I'd still get to spend time with them, I knew things were changing.

I let the movie finish, and glanced at Jacob to see he had also fallen asleep and that he was just an overgrown version of the child in my lap.

After I tucked Cooper into bed and kissed him goodnight, I tiptoed through the living room and Jake was still asleep.

"Bella," Jacob mumbled in the dark. I couldn't tell if he was asleep or awake. I walked over to him and he was sitting upright. He switched the lamp on and I sat down.

"Hey, sorry for crashing on you." He rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"No worries, I was just leaving. Coop is asleep in his room."

"I need to talk to you if that's okay."

"Sure anything." My heartbeat raced hoping beyond hope that this conversation was the one I had dreamed of. The one were Jacob confesses his feelings for me and something blooms from our friendship. Things had been going so well, and there was definitely a swirl of something between us.

"This is so weird for me to say." He seemed nervous about what was coming next, and my heart began to swell. I felt the pieces fitting together. Jake had waited to move to the next level until I was no longer in service to him and Cooper. It was a thought that I had once entertained on one of many sleepless nights. Rest seemed intrusive as my mind would rather think about Jacob and my thoughts would often escalate into that forbidden place. As it were, I never allowed the same thought to reemerge. It just seemed wrong. But here he was before me, nervous and almost tongue tied, that it seemed that part of those dreams was going to come true-my longing and my wishing not in vain. I smiled tentatively to contain my excitement.

"Just say it," I encouraged, barely able to get the words passed my lips, my entire body full of hope.

"Well, since the bonfire," he began. That was the first night we bonded, my heart seemed to be soaring in anticipation. This was certainly going in my favor. My ears seemed to open for the sweet words I wanted him to say.

"Well, it's just….well….it's Embry. He's been all over me to set you two up. It seems like he might really be sincere about dating you. I threatened to fire him though if he done you wrong."

"Embry?" I was crushed, deflated. Granted I hadn't proclaimed my love for Jacob, but surely the subtle things I did or said hadn't gone unnoticed at all. The connection between us was unbelievable, magical. Surely I wasn't the only one aware of that. Part of me was saying "I told you so" and the other part wanted to shake some sense into him.

"You remember him right?" He asked with an amused smirk. He seemed to find great pleasure in my rejection of his friend.

"Yes," I managed to mumble.

"Bella, are you alright? If you don't want to…" My apparent discomfort seemed to signal him to think the problem I had was with his friend.

"Jake, it's not that." The let down was slowly dissolving and I saw the opening.

"Then what?"

"I just thought…. Never mind it's stupid. I'm stupid." I stood up. My courage fled and I wanted to take back the words.

"You're losing me."

"Forget it. I should be going." My eyes were glued to the floor. I feared imminent doomed if I looked at him.

"Bella!"

"I was wrong. I misjudged the situation." The words ran together and it took a minute for him to realize that I had completed what I wanted to say.

"What?"

With a deep breath, I decided to just spill it. Part of living for the moment was saying what it was you wanted to say in that moment. "I don't know. I just thought there was something happening between us. I guess it was one sided."

"Oh," he whispered. "No, honey." He moved to my side appraising my face. I knew he was looking for tears to see if I was hurt which made me want to cry that much more. I bit the inside of mouth and squeezed my lids to keep any tears from falling.

"I'm sorry. I should have known better."

"Oh, Bell!" he wrapped his arms around me and despite the anger and embarrassment warring in me I couldn't help but to relax. His embrace felt warm and inviting. "I adore you. You're an incredible, wonderful, selfless person. But honey, I'm no good for you. You deserve more than I can give you. I'm afraid friendship is all I have to offer."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled into his storng chest.

"Don't think it's not crossed my mind. I'm very much attracted to you and I enjoy being with you. But I couldn't do that to Cooper. It would break him when I messed this up. I'm not sure I have room for more than him right now."

I knew he was being sincere and I had no other choice but to respect him. I would just have to accept that my feelings for Jacob were in vain, and focus on our friendship and being there for Cooper. As hard as was for me, I would have to at least try. After, all it seemed Jacob was sacrificing his feelings for the sake of his son. I'm not sure exactly how that helped either of them but I could only trust Jake to be right. He was convinced that he needed to keep me at a distance to be a good father. I felt differently. We were a team. I realized in that moment that we were a good team.

"Bella, you're welcome here anytime and I want you to be part of my life, part of Cooper's life. I don't want that to change. I hope you can understand."

"Clearly. I'm happy to be friends with you."

I left that evening in a fog, resigned to being a friend. That night I dreamed of riding on Jake's motorcycle and kissing him in the rain.


	10. Chapter 10

p style="margin: 0px; font-family:  
'Times New Roman';"I'm not sure if any of my original readers are around anymore. This story never picked up much steam,  
and I neglected it for, well, forever. Anyway I came across the saved chapters that were never posted and I'm slowly getting back into this story. I realized that you never got to read the best parts./p 


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